Semester One Fininshed

So I finished semester One December 16th.   For a while there I was a bit worried, but I was able to focus up and and get through that last stretch.

I have been enjoying my time back in Texas.  Been to a few christmas parties and Chipotle!   Have a birthday party today and a football party tomorrow.   It has been a very busy week. 

I started reading over some physiology to help get me ready for the cardiology block starting next semester but I have not gotten far.    I will be getting back to school about a week before class starts so I may buckle down then.

I have heard that you should just rest and not study and I have heard you should go over the first weeks of material to get ahead.

I don't know whats the best option, but I have definitely done more resting than reading... :)

It was 70 degrees for a few days here in Texas, but that has changed today and the crappy weather is in...   Which means its probably a good time to catch up on movies...


If I had any tips for today they would be.

1. take advantage of outside material. The slides may be dense and seem to cover all you need, but sometimes there is some additional understanding in suggested or researched outside material that can help improve understanding and application.

2. Start using your First Aid book  first semester.   I found that If I review the relevant material in the book you can use it for a good overview of high yield material throughout the following semester.  It is very high level, but it helps me to review some high level topics for long term retention.

3. Develop a detail plan that includes breaks and stick to it.  I found I had good intentions in this area but terrible follow through.   I also did not schedule in rest time so after mini's I would not be able to pick up study material for like 2 days.    Next semester I am going to schedule in Sunday afternoons off.  I want to spend that time doing something non-class related. 

I guess that's about it... 

Random

So as I take a little break for learning thought I would jot down some random thoughts.

I have been in medical school a whole 3 months...  Its amazing how much you can take in such a short amount of time. 

Random comments to those interested in medicine.

- make sure this is really what you want to do. 
  - it takes a lot of your time.
  - if you thought pre-med took a bunch of your time, wait till you go to medical school, then residency, then practice....  Its a life long journey.
 
- make sure you start working on your morals, integrity, and professionalism.  
  - you don't to work hard your first year or two in medschool and then get kicked out for something stupid.
 - you don't want to bust your but through school, clerkship, and residency and then loose your license due to something stupid.
  - during one of our Ethics classes teacher pulled up websites from multiple states of Doctor's who were suspended or loss their license due to stupid choices like 
 - relationships with patients
- grossly prescribing medications
- getting caught in inappropriate behavior even outside of work...
- being impaired on the job
-- its definitely worth checking out..

- Get used to studying...
   - it never stops.
  -  test after test after test...
  -  if you are studying for the MCAT and find that you are having trouble.  Try and figure out what your pitfall is, because you will be taking standardize test FOREVER....
   is it focus, time management, anxiety, fear, procrastination, the medium in which you are learning material.    FIGURE IT OUT NOW....  you don't want to struggle with that while trying to learn all this dang material.
 --  I found that I have to supplement my lectures with short videos that give me a broad overview. Or go into detail on a complex topic.   I found that if there is a hole in a concept in my mind I cant really wrap mind around everything else that I am trying to learn.
   I also kind of don't get as much from reading as I do from watching & listening.  So videos tend to help me lay the foundation in my brain.
   I also prefer to learn the material, rather than memorize, but you don't always have time for that.   I really have to work on my memorizing techniques.


anywhoo.. back to work..

Heading toward the Home Stretch

Well...

apparently I will be starting every entry off with "its been a while" , but it has been a while.

Things are going okay.  We had our 3rd Mini about a week ago, unfortunately my performance on that was not was I had hoped.  I actually thought I studied pretty hard on that.  But my wifi was out at home for about 2 weeks so I had to study at school.  I think I "went over" a lot of material but did not really ingest any.  I didn't do the thing at home where I talk to an imaginary person about the objectives.

  On a more positive note I felt pretty good about the anatomy practical we had on Monday.

We have  six more weeks of school left and it is going to be HELL on Wheels...

we have 5 weeks of dense material

Mini 4 - December 7th
MicroAnatomy/Histolgy Practical - December 10th
Anatomy Practical 3 - December 11th
Semester Final - December 15th

My mind is crazy right now...  Those four exams make up 50% of our grade.
I am trying to stay on top of all the material each week. 
I am trying to review each weekend like I am going to take a test on that material on Monday.
I need to work in more time to look over old stuff for the final & review histology from earlier in the semester.

People do this and make great grades so I know its not impossible. I just need to find what works for me.

Life on the island is still the same.
I am sooooooo looking forward to going home. 
I want to
drive a car
eat some chipotle
go to a movie
watch a SHIT LOAD of TV.....

I have been considering moving to a nicer place closer to campus.  However the prices are basically double or triple what I am paying right now.   Even though it is doable, I will have fewer resources for my kid back home, and they have competition coming up so I have to be able to pay for that.

Luckily she is in way fewer numbers than usual so it will be pretty affordable.  But she still needs things here and there.    I dont know...

I was supposed to submit a letter of intent back in October if I wanted to move by next semester.   So if I do decided to move it will have to be a mid semester move.  

Or I could just do another semester here.  


Anywhooo..
my daughter is doing pretty well.  She is very happy where she is.
There have been a couple of "teenage" bumps, but they were nothing too big.
I miss her like crazy, but I think it is very good that she has had to learn to be more responsible.
I didnt realize how much I took care of everything. I don't think she did either.
I think this is really helping to build a very smart, strong, and capable young lady.

Okay... I guess that's about it.

Also today is Veteran's Day.  So if anyone who happens to be reading this has answered the call to serve.

Thank you for your service!

Mini 2 coming up.

So its been a while since my last post.  I think I was pretty stressed out because I did not perform as well as I would have liked to on the fist test.


Well the next test is in 2 days.   I tried to adjust my study habits in a few different ways.

I started back to using quizlet (online flashcard tool)
- I found I spent a good deal of time setting it up putting in the information, but never really having the time to go back over it.
- also some of the material is a little bit harder to get into the tool concisely. 
- I am not sure if I will continue this option.

- thank goodness we got a few days with some pretty hefty study blocks, So I have been using my whiteboard to go over lectures and hash out the objectives.
 - think i am going to consider just doing the white board option, and then taking a picture of my summary board to go over at the end of the week.

Its a continuous learning process.  I have talked to a few 2nd - 4th semesters and they all have different things to say, but most did change their habits from one semester to the next.

However I still have tonight and tomorrow to review.  I think I am in a decent place. 

On a different note.  We finally had white coat ceremony on Friday.  It was delayed due the hurricane we had right before class started.
The ceremony was really nice and encouraging.  The Keynote was a Ross Grad who is now a County medical examiner. She did her fellowship in Detroit, which had to be a major experience.

I had a mild interest in the medical examiner specialty back in the day, but don't know that I truly considered it as an option.  However her story was pretty interesting, and maybe I will play close attention during pathology and try to find a rotation that can get me some experience with the coroner.  

I guess that's about it.

My note to premeds for today is...

KNOW YOUR BIOCHEM....
I did not take biochem in undergrad, and 1st semester is filled with Biochem.  And you have to call on it often in the following semesters. 

If you did not take it I recommend taking it.
If you did not do well, I recommend retaking it or at least going over it on your own to brush up on areas you found challenging.

Good luck to anyone hoping to hear back this application cycle!

First Mini Done...

Well we had our first Mini today and the grades are out.

Unfortunately my grad was less that stellar.  I was below the class average not by a whole lot, but enough to be scary.

I knew going in that it was going to be the small things that got me.  I just did not get it all in effectively.

So while my classmates are off at the beach or having a drink I am trying to do some soul searching.

I have been looking up different successful study habits.  

Here is an article that basically sums up the major options for medical school.

http://www.medicalschoolsuccess.com/studying-in-medical-school/

When it comes down to it, you have to do what works for you. (what everyone says)  But when you are not sure what that is, its kind of scary.

Class vs. No Class
I have considered not going to class and just watching them online and studying on my own.  Some people swear by this route.   I kind of prefer class though...  I am afraid to try because I am afraid to get behind.

I know for sure I am going to start just going home as soon as I can and studying there.

Being on campus I have to listen to music in my headphones to help with distractions.  At home I can just study in quite.  The only problem is it really runs up the electric bill and I would have to shop often for food.  Which I hate doing here.

Note Taking
I am also going back and forward on paper notes vs. electronics notes. 

It seems like it takes forever to make electronic notes. 
Paper notes are quicker but my drawing is garbage. 
Its easier to access digital notes, vs caring around binders.
I think writing helps it get into my brain.

Group vs. Individual
I have been mostly studying alone.  I tried studying with someone the other day but it was not productive as I hoped. 
They have "peer group" sessions.  But its not like a group session. An upperclassman who made good grades is just there to help you if you have a question.
I would like to find a group to at least go to once a week. Just to make sure I am covering everything.

I think the biggest improvement I can make right now is to put in more time.  Just buckle down and put in more time.

On a different note. 
I have been going to the gym pretty regularly.  Even though I think my main motivation is the hot water, not really the working out.   Taking cold showers at my place is No Bueno.  So I kind of use it as a punishment for not going to the gm.

I will just say that medical school is no joke.  I don't even know if hard is the correct word for it.  Its a lot of things that you have to put in your mind and be able to recall for for years to come.

I will get through it.  I am going to keep pushing and adjusting where I need to.

Week One Finished

So I have completed the first week of medical school.

I would love to say how amazing everything is and how I am ahead of the game.


My reality...

Its a lot of information.
I am still trying to find the right study strategy to retain and integrate all the material.
Living in a foreign country with resources and ways I am not accustomed is taking a while to get used to.
I miss my baby, and she never calls me :(
I am a little stressed that I am not where I want to be.
  - I have not started working out.
  - My anatomy recall is not good
  - I am in a less than ideal mental space.

But...

I have adjusted my study strategy after meeting with some of the resources on campus.
I am going to pack some work out clothes and put them in my locker @ school and when I am ready I will hit the gym (hopefully tomorrow)
My landlord has fixed some of the problems at my apt and I have tried to make it as homely as I can. 
I want to try and go to the beach maybe for lunch next week. Get a chance to appreciate the beauty of where I am not just the challenges. 

I am super surprised that I am feeling so stressed this early in the game. 
I think I am just hard on myself. 
I am going to focus up. And if I don't do as well as I want on the first test. I will know that I worked my hardest. 

Almost there...

I had a couple of friends reach out to check on me.   Thank you so much for thinking of me.  

What's the haps?

I flew out of DFW 8/28 and the last leg from Puerto Rico to Dominica was canceled due to the damage done to the area by hurricanes Danny and Erika.  

I have been in San Juan since Friday, but the school has been amazing.  They are paying for hotels and giving a food allowance.  There are over 200 students here and some on 3 other nearby islands. 

The school campus is not damaged and as of 8/31 all electricity, water, and communication has been restored in the school and near by areas.  

The airport is not opened yet and the roads are not consistent.  

But the school will start as planned on 8/7.  The plan so far for us in Puerto Rico  is to fly to Guadalupe starting Today (I leave Thursday) and then take a Ferry to Portsmith where the school is.  

It was nice to have a basically free mini vaycay , but we are missing orientation and that week we had to get settled and acclimated.   

It was a chance to meet other students. But to be homest as kind of a quite non-traditional career changer, some of these folks are a bit much.  So much competition and the need to feel superior or awesome in conversation is kind of annoying.  I spent a lot of time in my room.  Unfortunately the Wifi in the hotel is inconsistent so no Netflix or Internet. Just reading and TV.  

  

Any who. That's were I am at now.  Hope all is well with anyone who stops by to read this.    

Here are a couple picks from walking around old San Juan, PR

4 days left !

well.. actually really only 3 because I have to be at the airport at like 3 am on Friday.

My head is spinning.  Every time I mark a few things off the list new things pop up.

There are also so many things I have to do when I get to the island.  I need to start writing some things down.

I think one of the main things to realize about going international, especially to a school that has so many people is  you have to be responsible and independent.

Starting any major program and moving is a lot of work.  But you throw on top of that international visas, travel arrangement, planning orientation and registration a 2000 miles a way.  Its a lot of WORK.  And no one does it for you, they help as much as they can and send emails.  But you have to make sure it gets done.

I personally do not have a problem with the work, but I am super paranoid about missing something or something going wrong. 

I read all these stories of bags not getting there for 3 weeks, the lack of this product or that product, and all these things you should be bringing with you...  ::internal scream::

Anywho.
  this week will be filled with "closing the loop"
    - getting J completly packed and moved ( about 74% done)
    - purging "stuff" and packing the rest for me (20% done)
    - Getting all J's administrative & health done. ( 84% done)
          -- dentist appt on Wed & getting school physical notarized as soon as the call me to pick it up)
    - My medical stuff ( 90% done)
          -- got my years worth of Rx script done, dentist appt today)
    - shopping (80 % done)  
          -- still need to get J a few incidentals and some random things for me if my suitcase allows.
    - Good byes, 
         -- I have like 5 lunches/breakfast/dinners  planed with friends to say good bye.
    - mental preparedness.  
        -- I think I need to print off of checklist of all the things I need to have to get into the country     and all the task I need to complete on the island prior to registration ( a lot)

Everyone keeps asking me "Are you excited"   I should just say "yes" and leave it at that.  But I never can.   I know I should be excited, and maybe I am excited.   But I think I have other dominating feelings like stress, fear, and guilt that are tugging at me.

I know this is a great opportunity.  And I am pretty sure my kid is ok with it.  I know she is going to a good place.  Its just all these decisions that are coming up for her, that I usually help her make and follow through on, I am giving them to someone else.    She is a great kid and has done pretty well with all my/our craziness.  And she wanted to stay.  So I just need to make my peace with it and move forward.

I spent extended periods away from my mom as a kid and it shaped who I am .  There are many mothers who have to spend time away from their kids to serve our country (not that I am comparing my story to theirs)  and their kids do well.

But I digress... 

To sum up my rant.
 -- 4 days left
 - things are moving forward and I am for the most part on tract.
 - looks like Hurricane Danny has been downgraded to a tropical storm and should be passed the island by Thursday 8/27. ( I am leaving the US 8/28)

And so it begins indeed.....

Happy Birthday to Me!

So today is my 36th Birthday.... What the what what???

I cant believe how the time continues to fly by me.  That is still a lot of time so I am not complaining.

I read a cool little article about multiple women who did great things after the age of 40.  I am looking forward to all the adventures and accomplishments I will add to my life list.


10 MORE DAYS LEFT....

still have not made much progress on getting my stuff packed. I think its something I am going to knock out in a day.

I thinking should I try to make my blog into a helpful blog instead of just ramblings inside my head...

Maybe I can do one helpful blog a month and then the rest just randomness.. :-P

It's approaching fast

Well 14 days left and then I am on a plane.  

Things have been progressing. 

My friends threw me an amazing going away party. 

I received awesome gifts for school and enough money to put a down payment on my apartment.  

Speaking of which I signed my lease last week, it's crazy small and a pretty minimalistic.  But it will leave me with enough money to make sure my baby can still dance and do a couple of fun things while I am away.  

I took off this morning and ran a few errands with her.   

She was pretty excited to open up her first checking account.  

We also got every thing ready for her passport.  

I am considering having her visit during the summer, but I will be in class so I am not sure what we are going to do yet.  

May even meet some friends at a resort in the Caribbean and she just fly up and back with them.  

Most of my administrative task are complete. 

Visa application complete 

Financial aid has been awarded and scheduled to be released at orientation.  

Insurance is still not complete, but I am staying on top of it. 

Now I just need to organize and pack.  My mom's place looks a hot mess with my crap everywhere.  I am really bad at doing a little at a time.   

I just want to turn on the music and just knock it out all at once.  So that's my plan for the next two Sunday's.  

I am barely making it through work.  I totally should have made this my last week. I am thinking that extra 300$ for next week is not actually worth it.  

I still have not hit excitement yet.  I think once I get everything done and I am coasting I will feel it.  

Next two weeks are the last two with my baby for a while.  I gotta find a way to make the most of it.  

Well back to work (kind of). 

Less than a Month

So I have less than one month to get all my ducks in a row.

My friend is throwing me a go away party tomorrow.
I have the ROSS new student social tomorrow also.
I turn in my Visa Application today (a little late).


I still need...
   - lease an apartment
   - get my supplies
   - consolidate my crap that is staying in the US.
   - Get J set up with school and dance supplies
 

I am looking forward to the last week between work and leaving.
  - I am going to try and do something fun with my little one.
  - I am going to try and read as many novels as I can.
  - I am going to Binge watch as many shows as I can.


I don't really have any major emotions at this time like Fear or Excitement.  But I am also pretty level headed and laid back.  But I am sure a few days before I take off I am going to have crazy waves of feelings going to through me.


* I also noticed that a post I updated for a few months ago showed up as if I posted it yesterday.  Not sure why. But its an old post.

Sometimes you have to remind yourself.

So much to do, so little time...

I have so many things I need to do to get ready to leave in 2 months.  

Belongings...
I have decided to get rid of my storage to help cut some cost.   I have started to go through it but still have a lot of things left and 5 days to clear it out.

Its a bit challenging finding the right amount to get rid of vs. try to store at my moms vs. take with me vs. let J take with her.  I have decided no more than two travel buckets at my moms.  And no clothes or crap.  Only family stuff that can not be replaced. 

I can take 3 bags <= 50lbs so I need to define what that looks like.

And I need to think out J's cloths and stuff for her move. 


Visa Application
I need to complete my medical clearance for my visa application.
I believe I have completed all the necessary testing and immunizations but I need to gather all the results and take them to physician to sign off. 

I also need to get my criminal background check from the police department.

Island Stuff
I still need to lease an apartment on the island, which will probably have to wait 3 weeks for my paycheck after next.
I need to have my Fin-Aid stuff completed. I think have done all I can from my end.  Like completed FAFSA, loan Counseling, & MPN.
I am just waiting for the school to process and tell me my next steps.  I will probably call on Tuesday to see if they have everything they need from me.

I need to look into to what additional books and supplies I need.  I was reading you can get a lot from students who are selling stuff on they way off the island. 

Kid Stuff
- I need to get the temporary guardianship completed and notarized.
- Need to get her school contact info changed over.
- Need to get medical insurance dependant info set up once the school has me enrolled in insurance.
- Need to get her belongings organized and then get her moved in to her new place.
- Need to plan a fun get away for our last week before school starts. 

Shopping. 
I need to do some shopping for myself and for J.
Green Scrubs
Toiletries
School uniforms
etc... 

Well I guess I should stop writing about it and start making it happen...

Ross it is..

So I submitted my deposit today.   Looks like I will be a Ross SOM student September 2015.

Silent Screams

My Deposit for Ross is Due Friday June 26.

I am a bit scared.

My kid has competition this week, and I couldn't get off work.  I had to send her with someone else and I was not there to see her perform.   That is going to be the next two years ( or possibly 4 if she decides she does not want to move during residency)

I got an email about a new state school opening up a couple hours away that is accepting applications for this 2015 cycle.

I continue to see mixed responses on residencies and IMG grads.

I have a unstable track record on decision making ( too risky and too conservative)

All my lessons are learned the hard way.

With hard work and extra effort I am confident I can be successful as an IMG graduate.

I am afraid I will give up if I wait another year to repeat the application cycle.

I will be 35 in a couple of months...


Still Scared

That's a good thing right?

I received my acceptance from Ross yesterday.   That was pretty exciting.

I have no idea what that means right now.   However I am 80% sure I will accept and start there in the Fall. 

I have a lot to think about and even more to actually do after the decision is made.  

slow..

A little change, but mostly the same.

So I was not able to move foward with the St. George Option.    However, I got a call from Ross and I will have an interview with them tomorrow.
I also got a call from a recruiter about an IT supervisor job. 

But as per use, that is the way of my life.  Two exact opposite things happening at one time.


Anywho,  Not much else is going on.  No class this summer due to timing.   No official MCAT scores yet. 

Not really sure what I am going to do about applications.   I never got the letter from the PA that I shadowed so i am not sure if I can even apply to PA school without the letter and without the GRE. I need to make another list of the schools and requirements so I can be smart about my applications.

I think I am going to try and get everything finished up and ready to submit at least, and then depending on my available finances, and what happens with ROSS I will have to decide from there. ..

Whats new?

1.  Got an A in A&P.
2. Had interview with St. George's SOM that went well.
3. I let my job know that I will be leaving by summer's end.
4. Got acceptance letter from St George today.
5. Its not for direct entry into the medical school, its for the foundation program which is Aug - Dec prep program with guaranteed entry into the January 2016 med school if you maintain a 3.5 with no Cs.
6. My daughter cried when I told her about it, (not in a good way)
7. Since it is a certificate program, it requires private loans, for which I was denied without a cosigner.

thats' it.

Not much new going on.

Getting ready for finals in A&P.

Still at the daytime job.

Still sitting at the crossroads of life wondering which way to go.

Have Skype interview with St. George tomorrow.

I think I mentioned before that they are offering me an interview for their one semester pre-prep program with guaranteed entry if I make a 3.5 or better.

That news kind of punched me in the gut, because it does not really bode well for my chances here in the states.

To be honest if it were not for the cost and location I would be super happy with the idea, because I have a chance to prove I can handle the workload and processing the content.

But an additional 26,000 bucks and 6 additional months in the St. George for my kid sounds hard to swallow.

I wish Mcat scores were back.  It would kind of help a little bit.  If I make below the mideline on either of the 4 sections (especially chemistry).  I think I would just give up on med school and apply PA and/or go back to work, or take the foreign med school. 

I found this post on Mothers in Medicine today...
Would I do it Again

basically this doc is finishing up surgery residence after leaving the financial industry.  She loves her job and patients,  but is not really sure if it was all worth it.

I don't really know what I am doing with that information now, just more stuff in my box of stuff.
I think our scenarios are a bit different because of my age, my kids age, and my family life.   But still its just stuff in my stuff.

I was thinking the other day, what happened to me?  Why am I entertaining these thoughts.  Of course finances are the big driver in my fears, but I think not getting into that master's program last year really tore a titanic sized hole in my reslove.

Going back to working a full time job, and trying to do little tidbits to pull the pieces together for a possibility of "maybe" an acceptance is ruff.  And seeing SOOOO many people have to result to an alternative, and working with Docs, who say Dont Do it...  Wow... 

Applications are open.  And as I put in my grades from 20 years ago, and think of how people will be using them to judge me, no matter how hard I have put in work recently.  Its just scary and stress full.

When I go and look at apartments that are in my budget and it takes me back to my childhood when things were really tough for my mom. Its scary and stressful.

I am ready for something good and awesome.  I am ready for something that builds me up.  I am ready for something that is an uplifting tangible step toward success.

I am on my very last piece of resolve.  The absolute last piece.   What does that mean?  Where am I going?  What am I doing?  What am I supposed to do? What am I doing to my kid?  What am I doing to myself?  How are my choices altering my future?  Where is my joy?  Have I ever had it?  Will I know what it looks/feel like when it happens?  Will one choice or the other actually bring me the happiness/fulfillment that I think is actually out there. Is happiness/fulfillment/success something that is even attainable for me?

                            I DO NOT know and not knowing IS killing me.

Monday Morning Quarterback

So Friday was my MCAT...

I am so astoundingly happy that it is over. I think I turned into a different person when I walked out of that building.

I wish I could say that I rocked the crap out of that test.  However that would be a total lie. 

The first section kicked my butt.  I think midway through I just felt like I was picking answers at random.

The second section Verbal or whatever that is called now.  I felt really good about.  I felt like I followed the passages well and picked the answer that seem to be most relevent.

Third Section Bio stuff was not nearly as bad as the first section, but I did not feel as confident in all of my responses as I did in section two.

Forth section Psychology/sociology was not as good as the 3rd, but not as bad as the first.   I did not spend as much time going through all the psychology info.  There was just so much and I just didn't have the time. Actually I did not make the time.    But what I did go through really helped. 

Overall I should have spent more time on chemistry structures and formulas.  But I think I I fell into the trap of focusing on what I was grasping instead of breaking down what was giving me problems.

I think I signed some kind of agreement that I would not say what was on the test since it was the first adminstration or something to that fact.  

But I think I can say that Khan Academy MCAT link that I posted before was very accurate and a good representation of what was on the test.

On a few other notes..

It looks like my St. George app can still be processed without my Passport for now. 

Also we are at dance competition this weekend and my Baby Girl Killed it!!!  It was the best I have seen her do her solo sofar.

Platinum
6th Overall
Summer Intensive Scholarship Winner
and Judges Choice Choreography Award

super proud of her, even though she drives me frickin Cray Cray...  We still have the rest of the weekend left and I have A&P homework and study to do.   But I still feel 20x more free than I did 48 hours ago.


Well that's plenty for today.  I should probably finish up my vacation from critical thinking and get to this A&P  I have an A to maintain.  :)

It's been a while.

So it's be a bit since I posted.

For a few reasons but mostly because I did not really have any good/exciting/progressive news to report.  However the point of this blog is to document my journey and of course that includes the good and the bad, unfortunately the bad seems to outweigh the good these days. 

Anywho... Updates. 

School. 

This is pretty standard. Still in A&P so far still maintaining about a 96 average.  I got a random email from the grad student I was working with and he ask if I would do a couple things for the research paper.  I had assumed they have finished up and moved on.  So I got that done.  

Work. 

It's ok.  Scribing tends to get redundant. The relationships are better 

The Plan

- so I got my St George application basically complete I just can't find my  passport, which is required as part of my application.  And speaking of Passports I will need to get one from my daughter if I go the Carb route, but it's extremely complicated to get one without  both parents present. So that's an additional pile of poop to deal with. 

- MCAT

So that's in like 3 days. And I have not really done much in the way of preparing. It's just sad. That has me thinking maybe it's best to go away to go to school. I won't have the outside conflicts that I have now.  I just think trying to work all these jobs for peanuts and trying to keep Jordyn active and do my part at her school is just really not working out so well.  But what can you do. 

Not much else has gone toward the plan I will consider GRE planning after I finish with MCAT on Friday.  I will look at A&P 2 schedule also after Friday. 

Was thinking about just skipping GRE and only applying to schools that don't require it, but I will end up limiting myself. 

Life. 

This is still pretty stressful. Still at my moms.  Everyone is ready for that situation to change.  My mom and daughter are not getting along and unfortunately I don't know how to fix it. 

This is one of the big stressors and one of those things that make you say the best/only way to fix it is to just hold off on the original end goal for right now.  

So overall not a lot of forward movement. I will just keep slowly rolling along until something happens one way or the other.  

I did pray and ask for some clarity some direction.  Unfortunately there may be some radio silence on one end or the other.  Unless this feeling of just wanting to say "screw it" is the "direction" I am supposed to be moving in.   To be honest if I got a call tomorrow for a job out of state that paid well I would probably take it.  Just kind of start all over. And maybe that's my sign.     

Blank Stare

So I submitted an application to St. George University ( Caribian Medical School) a couple of nights ago.   I am not 100% sure I am going have my transcripts and MCAT sent.   I have signed up for an information session in April.

It is one of the Big 3 Carb schools. Its also the most expensive.  But they have accreditation in California and New York, meaning I can do rotations and residencies in more states than a school that does not have the accreditation.

The biggest concern with the international school is what I am going to do with my Kid.  If I did not have that concern, I don't think I would have any problem heading out there in august to make all this come together and get it done.

I honestly do not know that I can get through another year of this inbetween state.

another random conversation.


Last night I go to dinner with a friend. See one of my old HR Leads from my previous career, and she is like send me your resume we have a lot of opportunities.   My friend is like.  That is a sign !

And of course my mind goes crazy.  Like is it? Should I? Can I make it work?  I immediately go into I get the job, move into a small place, clean up my budgets, pay of debt, and be in a nice house by the time Jordyn gets ready for High School, I can pay for her car, have resources to get through the high school years,  and then send her off to college, take some vacations, and ride out the rest of life.  (same internal struggle I have with myself every 6 months)


THEN...
today I go to the library after I drop J off at a friends (super cute house), and I am giving her like 20$ for snack or food after the movie, and like give me back what you don't spend.  And the friends mom is going to have to drop her off at home later, because I have to do a baby sitting job to make some extra money...  And on the way out of the historic neighborhood (which I love) I see a house for sale, that is a bit smaller than the others, but something I could have totally made super awesome if I would have stayed where I was 2 years ago.
---- don't get me wrong, I know this is all superficial things and it does not matter what everyone has, and if I wanted to be a Dr bad enough I need to sacrifice.  ALL this stuff that I know, but does not make things easier. ---

But I digress....  My point.  I stopped by the library after I drop Jordyn off to finish up some A&P work.

And I come to this library that I have never been before, just the closest Google showed from J's friends house.

I sit down and start working, and an older gentleman comes and ask if he could sit at the table. And of course I say yes.

He then proceeds to have a 20 minute conversation with me.
He is a former doctor, who is from Peru and went to undergard in the states, but could not get into a medical school here at the time and ended up doing a school in Mexico.   He was telling me all things are possible, if you really want them.  And I could be a Dr.  And how life success is more about what you say "no"to, just as much as what you say "yes" to.

He was like you just need a mentor and someone to help. 

I do not know if that means anything.   As I have stated before things just work out crazy for me. 

One thing will happen that makes me think I should move one way  and then something else will happen that makes me think I should move another way.

Its draining.  I wish I could just move to a different place and just focus on making it work. 

well... I just felt like jotting down these crazy things that run through my head.

Library closes in 30 mins.  I really need to get this HW finished.

random jotting

so i took a week off during my daughter's spring break, and because my doc was off this week.

My plan was to study and work out.

My reality is nothing has happened and its almost the end of the day on Wednesday.

I should have taken off a day where my daughter had school.  So i would be forced to leave the house to take her and I can just go to the gym and then to the library. 

anywho... needless to say I am a bit disappointed in myself.


I did spent some time thinking about Caribbean medical school option again.

I decided to go check out the foreign med school board to look in on residency stats.

Here is the link if you interested in perusing the 250+ pages...

http://www.ecfmg.org/resources/NRMP-ECFMG-Charting-Outcomes-in-the-Match-International-Medical-Graduates-2014.pdf

basically from my quick perusal.

If you
- make above a 240 on step 1 and step 2 the first time
- apply to multiple programs (>10) in the specialty you are interested
- train on Dominica island ( i think Ross & St George are there)
- go after Family Practice, internal medicine, OB/GYN, or anesthesiology

from a VERY loose estimate, you have a greater than 70% chance of getting into A residency program.

*** if anyone happens to be reading this, please refer to the link above for a more in depth assessment on the probability of gaining a particular residency as a US-IMG.  This is just a rough eyeball....

I am still strongly consigning applying.  If it were not for my daughter. I would have applied already.  But I feel if I take with me, either she will suffer or my studying will suffer.

Arggggg.... 

So when are you finished with school?

OMG... so I know I have posted about this before...

But that question drives me crazy... and I know that the people who ask for the most part mean no harm.  But to a stressed out non-traditional who has been at this for a while it has to be one of the most frustrating questions...


Anywho,

not much new on this end.  Work is still work. 

We have AP I practical tomorrow, been trying to study for that. 

Then we have Test 2 in lecture on Wednesday so gotta get all studied up on that.

I have taken off for Spring Break to hopefully just focus on MCAT study.  I have done some but not nearly enough.

ok. back to it.

I'm trying...

So as I sit in the hotel room
- listening to YouTube cover videos
- watching dance competition online
- responding to random post on Facebook
- and wondering why I have never been in a relationship on Valentine's day


I am also studying...  My intent was to spend all available time in my room study while my baby girl was in class.

I did get my next two homework assignments done.

I origionally planned to just go through the topis in the 2015 MCAT Essential topics list.  But as I started doing that today I just started getting overwhelmed.  Then I was like I will start with the Psych and Biochem topics since I have not studied for them for the MCAT before.  But as I start looking up different topics online it just felt very inefficient.  

I am the worst at large ambiguous task.  I need detail, structure, and short term goals. 

So I went back to Khan Acadmey and I found this link videos with MCAT 2015 topics.  I don't think its exhaustive of all the topics but its a good amount.    I think I am just going to go through once and then just start taking practice test.  Trying to go through each individual item is just stressing me out...

Khan Academy MCAT Video Line Up

For a small amount of time today I thought about looking up refund deadlines for the MCAT. 
But that way lies madness....

Its ok.  Its going to be ok. I can do this.


side note....  I wanted to post a few pics of my kid.  This is why I do it.  This is why I spend time and money that for the average person could be used in other places.  But when I see her doing what she loves and doing it well. I would not have it any other way.

Last Chance

So I just registered for the April 17th MCAT.

This is the last time I spend any more money on this test.

I have to get my Stuff together and soon.

I am contemplating giving up my evening job.

2 months to get my scores up with a job and class does not leave much time.

I have to find the best way to squeeze the most out of my weekends.

THIS will work...

Study Plan Rebot coming...

#teammedschool

Time managment fail.

So I basically threw away the entire weekend.

After my post yesterday at the library, I spent a little more time researching Caribbean school students/graduates etc..

I came across one blog of a guy who actually failed out of Ross after repeating his first semester and failing his second.

It was a bit scary, so I went back to when he started and read all his post to see if I could get an idea of what happened.

My two biggest fears about going to a Caribean school are

1. I am actually not smart enough to be a doctor and I fail out with more loan debt to add to my already stressful amount.

2. I do pretty decent and pass, but cant get a decent residency (or any residency at all) when I graduate, once again leaving me with a shitload of debt.


Those things are a possibility in US schools but the occurrences are way lower.  

So back to the guy that failed out of Ross. I can not really point out his problem.  He seemed to "study" alot. But it does not seem that he had study groups or used much tacticle learning.   I appears he skipped lecture often and just studied written material at home and watched some lectures on line.

Those things would definitely be a big problem for me.  I need to go to class and listen and hear the parts of the lecture that are not written in the power point.  They help me think beyond the black and white details.

I have also found I do a lot better with material recall if i am part of a study group.   But everyone one learns differently. 


So between my frustration with the MCAT, my mild obsession with finding out all I can about international options, and Ch 3 of AP being info I have read before I got no studying done.

One detail I did seem to notice from that guy's blog who went to Ross is that first semester of med school did have a lot of biochem, ochem, genetics, and bio stuff that is needed for the MCAT, so maybe I can use that as a motivation to find a way to get that test done.

On a non-med school note,  I dont feel well today.  I think I have a URI in conjunction with lady pains...   I dont get to go the gym in the morning, because my membership expired, so I am going to be out for about 2 weeks until next payday.  I really hope I don't get all cray cray..

I should probably dope up on Sinus and Cold meds and go to sleep.  Back to the bi-polar work place tomorrow, followed by a full day of class then lab... 

The strugle is real

I am here at the library, partially mid job.

My Sunday boss's mother is in town and in lieu of my normal shift she asked if I could take her mom to get her hair done.  The pay is not my normal but its better than nothing. Plus I was going to the library anyway, and I found one about 10 mins from the salon so all in all its not the worst.

Anywhoo... the point of the above comment is I am here at the library with the intent of MCAT study.   Lets say that mission has been aborted and no progress has been made.   I got a letter last night from University of Medicine and Health Science (UMHS) which is a Caribbean school in St. Kitts.

I have spoken of my apprehension in regards to international medical education in the past, but stressing over this freaking test I just decided to Google some info on the school.

They actually have an amazing facility with some great technology and anatomy facility.Their 2014 Residency placement had mostly family medicine but there were a couple of others.

I have a lot of thoughts I want to get out, but I don't want to write a book, lol.
so I am just going to put random statements....

- its kind of disheartening how hard it is to get a medical degree in the US.
- A person can work hard and be pretty competent and still fail.

- wish they had a system in place to where if you got good grades in pre-reqs you could get some type of pre-acceptance or conditional acceptance into a program, and you had to maintain a certain level of performance in the first and/or second semester, then you be granted full access into the program.

- yes I know its hard, yes I know they want capable people, etc...   but the amount of competent and willing people that are turned away from the profession yearly just seems...

- And this whole thing with a YEAR application process is the Freakin Worst...

- And then for those that circumvent the sharty process and go to international schools that are willing to give them an opportunity. They work hard to make grades above the average US educated just for a shot at a limited number opportunities is just tragic...

- yes I now there are some schools that are just taking money, or not sufficiently educating, and some people are missing skill set ... etc...   but if a person has maintained good grades, passed the same examinations, and can prove themselves in clinical setting then you assume they can provide the same level of care...

- I sometimes think maybe the American system is designed that way on purpose...  But I tell you every time I read an article about "Doctor shortages" etc... I am like I cant tell...

- I guess I am just tired and a bit frustrated with my situation right now.

- on a semi-related note.  My AP grades are going good so far,
HW 1 - 100
HW 2 - 95 ( not sure what i missed yet, but pretty upset I let something slip)
Test 1 - 98

this is kind of one of those things that drive me crazy about that dang test.  I know I am not stupid, I made mostly A's in my pre-reqs.  But for some reason I continue to let that thing weigh me down...

Argh!!!!

(side note:  hormones, $$, and Sam Smith Pandora station may be falsely elevating the "devastation factor" on this post.. ) LOL. 

It will work out... Something will work out... Just not sure what yet...

Interesting AAMC video on residency spots.... http://vimeo.com/77727683

Texas Academic Fresh Start Program

So,

A scribe who I saw in clinic the other day mentioned the Texas Academic Fresh Start Program

which basically allows you to scrub all courses 10 + years or older.  And you still get credit for having a degree

Unfortunately for me its not an option, because to use it for Texas medical schools you have to apply to an undergraduate under the fresh start Prior to October of the year that you are applying for.


It would have been super awesome for me, because only one of my pre-reqs were 10+ years old,  I would be willing to sacrifice that A and retake it to get those old scores out of my way. 

My GPA would go up to like a 3.75  if I was able to get rid of my first 2 years of college,

Anywho...

I figured I would post the TMDSAS link to the info for anyone who it may still be able to benefit from the program.

https://www.tmdsas.com/medical/texasAcFrshStrt.html

This is only applies to Texas residents and Texas School.

Mising Class

So I missed class on Wednesday...

I am usually the type of person that hates missing class because I feel like I get more from lecture and all that jazz...

Anywho clinic ran super late, and  I didn't not want to walk in close 30 minutes late, for one hour and then have to go back to the other side of town and get my little one.

So I didn't go. He said at the beginning of class he was going to record his lectures, however when I went to check there are none posted.

I am not concerned about the content, but mostly if he makes any changes.

The first test is only over 2 chapters and they are both topics I am generally familiar with. 

He has now moved the test from Monday to Wednesday, which happens to be the day that I am at clinic furthest away from school, and the one that often runs late.

I guess we will have to see how all this works. out. .

Do I want it bad enough?

So I have asked myself this a few times over the course of my journey.

Lately I have found that I have a concern that I either don't want this bad enough or I am incapable of making it happen.

This often comes when I am going from one job to another, thinking of how tired I am and how I wish I was going home.

Or when I am stressing over not having the resources for something that I used to acquire without a thought.

I think my biggest fears come when I pick up that freaking MCAT book or think about how much studying I have NOT done for the GRE.

I sincerely enjoy my classes and I am ahead in my pre-reading and lab work.  I am super pumped about doing gross anatomy and having class all day.   I am not afraid of the work that I have heard is attached to getting through med school.  I am just so worn out from this journey to just try and get there.


I think i could keep up the fight if I knew for sure I could get into a program this fall  But I don't know that I will
 I don't know that I can improve my score enough.
I don't know how to make more time to study for that test.

I keep thinking maybe I could just go ahead and go international, but I am afraid I would just make my journey even more difficult.

AAARRRGGG!!!!

Week one down the drain...

So I am practically at the end of week one...

I have maybe done 10% of the planned studying.  This is No Bueno.

Sat & Sunday are supposed to be my big ticket days.  Hopefully I can gain some ground there, however I am not very optimistic. 
Saturday

gym @ 10 am,
gotta finish a pc set up job @ noon,
J's out of dance early tomorrow @ 1pm
Finish up forms I am making for J's school @ 2

after getting her situated, if I do nothing else I can get in a good 8 hours 3- 11, ( only 2 in a library)

Sunday
@ 7:30 - 12  work
@12:30 J to dance ( till around 4) -- good study time here, just no where to go
@ laundry & hair 6 till -- potential study time if I can avoid the distractions of home.


I have to make this work. I am so concerned I am going to wake up 2 months from now with little to no progress.
I hope starting class helps.  I am really good at working on something specific.  But these big test that cover years of material.  I have not quite figured out how to mentally attack it as if it were a class that i enjoy.

Anywhoo... I hope to post progress soon.

I think I am going to tighty up my weely plan and print it on a poster board in a place that I have to see every day.

Give me something to mark off to show progress, or to Shame me into getting back on tract.

Week 1 progress

So I am halfway through week one...

according to plan I have should have done some pre-reading  for A&P & some MCAT ochem.

I am a bit off track.  I did get my book access, but I have found it is virtually impossible to study at home.   And unfortunately the school and local libraries have limited hours.

The school library close at 10 pm Monday - Thursday , close at 6 Fri & Sat, and are not even open on Sundays.

There are no libraries near me that have good hours. they are all closed between 6 - 7 with no Sunday hours.  This is going to be a problem.  Sunday I have the most time to make progress and I have to have a table and controlled environment to really make the most of that time.

Also, the one hour for pre-read is not going to be enough time, but I am not sure where I am going to get the extra time.  I am thinking of just asking for Monday & Wednesday off instead of going to work after class.

I also need to look into finding supplemental material from the Biochem/Psych section.  I am going to try to just use the MCAT topic guide  in conjuction with Khan academy & google to look up things up that I do not know.

With all theses things in mind, I need to update my detail plan.
We do not start class until 1/20/15,
I mis-labeled my GRE sections,
and I need to add Biochem to MCAT study

I also don't think I like my week starting with Sunday.

Overall some progress has been made but not nearly enough.  I am going to have to step my game up and learn how to disengage and buckle down.

I am going to pack my GRE math in my bag and hit some of that up during work tomorrow evening.  I need to find a way to measure progress on my studying.  I think I will use the official testing guides of both test and count the topics, split them evenly, and track completion that way.

Day 1 & 2

So my schedule kicked off this week.

I ran into a couple of challenges.

I could not start pre-reading for class, because they did not give the link to the book with the digital package I bought and there was no link on the syllabus.

I did a little MCAT studying, but not much.   J had a school program last night and I volunteered from 3:30 - 6:15 and her show was from 7 - 9. 

When we finally made it home I did the regular routine and went to bed.

I did hit the gym this morning so that was good.

So I guess I am basically about 78% on track :). 

I emailed the professor and asked for the link, hopefully he will respond. 

Now to get through this day at work.

Up and at it...

So I got up this morning and got a bit done..

Went to the bookstore to get my books.  And even saved myself 50 $
 - there was one used lab manual with only the first couple of sections done in pencil (saved 20$)

-  Went with the e-edition of the lecture book instead of the hard copy ( saved 30 ish $)

I am hoping I can still do pretty good with the digital book. Between my Ipad and laptop I think it will help with my study flexibility between work II and lunch at work I.

Not only did I mark off that milestone, but I worked on my detailed study plan.

Now to print them and follow them... :)

Only one more thing left on my agenda today.
Check out the Texas Fresh Start program... 

Random note.
I stopped at the store for a protein bar and sugar free Red Bull, instead of the Wataburger breakfast on a bun, that I really wanted.

And this chatty old dude, proceeds to  ask me questions about what protein bar I am looking for

Him : blah blah protein bars
Me : yea.... that's interesting (not really)
Him : I am working on my doctorate
Me : Awesome, In what
Him : Radiology
Me : O_o  , o cool
Him : yea, I just finished my Masters in November
Me : Hmm.. cool congratulation'  Have a great day :)

Is there such a thing and a PhD in radiology? I am not familiar with it but it doeskin mean it does not exist.

so the point in this whole diversion, I have added this to my list of things to look up on the "Da Google" today... I'm not interested in it, just curious if this dude is just making shit up in his head.. :P

Houston We Have a Problem.

Sooo...

I completed a first draft of my schedule for next few months...

I need to find a way to have less work and More MCAT & GRE...
I am pretty confident I have a good amount of A&P time.
My work II is a bit flexible, but not really a good study environment.

This kind of ties back to my first lesson learned...  Go all in..  trying to fit in all this work is seriously going to effect my study potential.

Hmmm...

I take progess anyway I can get it.

So as I mentioned in my last post I tend to get a little unproductive when I have a lot of things going on.

So I originally planned to have a detailed plan ready to post today.

However I only ended up with some high level written steps.

I tend to be a visual person...  And when I have this big ball of stuff it helps to just start at the top and break it down.

Here is one of my mind maps...

My next big task is to create a detailed study plan for this semester.

I did get some things done
- Got a GRE study book
- Submitted a request to consolidate my latest student loans, I was paying about 550 between the two, and it is killing me.
- I went to go get my A&P books today, but the books store was closed by the time I got off work. ( going back tomorrow)

I am pretty confident I will have a plan by Monday, a rough draft at the least.

Okay back to trying to be productive.  :)

Lessons Learned #2 --- Organize and conqure.

Lesson : Plan
take the time to sit down
1. identify goals/milestones
2. determine what needs to be done to complete the milestones
3. write down due dates
4. write down resources.
5. MOST IMPORTANT 
  - Track your task
  - Complete your task
  - hold your self accountable.

While your in the thick of it, its hard to see the end of the tunnel, but if you lay your obstacles down, end to end, you build a track to get you through to the other side.

And sometimes it just helps to look back and see what you have accomplished.


So one of my big challenges is the getting things done.

I feel sometimes I have so many things to do I end up doing nothing.

Especially when you are busy with work and life.

I feel like working this M - F, 8 - 6 in a clinic  and evenings at the studio are my worst time yet.   I don't really have time to sit down and plan,

Working a desk job  I  was always in front of a computer or writing something down, ( and looking for a distraction) so I had time to make list and organize and check stuff off.

Now, I am only home in the evenings and usually by then its dinner, baths, then bed.

I am starting class on the 20th, and have not developed a schedule to integrate MCAT, GRE, & homework.   Before I know it, the time for application submission will be upon me..

So it looks like I need to sit down and take my own advice..

I will have a plan here tomorrow..

Lessons Learned Part One - All in

Hi there..

So today is kind of a crappy day at work.
So instead of thinking about how much I want to quit, I will start my lessons learned page.
I wanted to make this really organized and release it in parts...

But "aint no body got time for that" lol   jk ( kind of)  

But I do want it to be clear, concise, and organized. ( not sure that happened here)


First Lesson Learned :  If you are going to Do it.  DO IT 100%

This is a crazy journey and if you want to be successful at it you have to go all in.

I tipped my toe in and tried the safe route and now I regret not just going for it from the begning.
I feel that the part-time approach put me at a great disadvantage and extended my attempt far longer than it should have.

Group 1: Ideally, If your young and about to start college
- establish a relationship with your advisors and/or premed committee
- take advantage of reputable student pre-health organizations
- follow your degree plan
- Shoot for the best possible grades
- build relationship with your professors
- build a good relationship with a few good community organizations, find something you love and really give it 100%
- find interesting ways to gain exposure to medical field
- study diligently for the MCAT, take lots and lots of practice test
- start writing Personal Statement early, and let as many people critique it as you can.
- apply early & turn in secondaries early
- practice interviewing ( professionalism, communication, concise answers, etc)

Group 2 : For late entries, with no major hindrance
- come to terms with your decision and be certain it is what you want
- then say good bye to the old life and start your new one
- basically just get in there with the "ideal" crowd and kick A$$

Group 3. For late entries with major challenges like families, little to no support, financial constraints, etc
- See Group 1 & 2
- get in there with the other two groups, and do WHATERVE you have to do to kick even MORE A$$



When I started writing Group 1 I thought I would write something different for each group, but as I was writing the list for the ideal group, I thought WE ALL have to do that.  But sometimes as a non-traditional students we let our "real lives" keep up us from being just as diligent as others.

If I would have applied those principles when I first started this journey in 2005, I would be blogging about surviving residency by now.

Why didn't I? 
I think some of the things I allowed to hinder me were

1. being a parent.
- I felt I needed to stay employed for money, insurance, and to be responsible.
- so I drew my basic preqs out over 2 years (2 per semester in the evening)
- working jobs, volunteering, taking classes, and studying for MCAT while still trying to be a good mom I did not give school and MCAT 100%. 

 ----  I feel like I would have been better off, If I would have just resigned at that time, went back to school full time and just focused on being a mom and getting into medical school.


Unfortunately I have to go back to work.

In conclusion

If you happen to be reading this and you KNOW that you want to be a doctor. Really consider going all in.  Part-time half-hearted attempts are a waste of time and money.

Good article...

So I had this plan to update my blog with some lessons learned over my 4 days off.

However my charger stopped working on my laptop, so I couldn't type it up. :(


However at work today I found this pretty good article on SDN that I thought I would share.

The 10 Lessons Every Pre-Med Must Learn


I plan to stop by Best Buy today between jobs today to get my charger replaced.
I think I have a 3 year warranty, but I don't have my box ( its in storage somewhere)


This was also a good response on the forms to the question.
"Is anyone on SDN actually happy with their decision to go to medical school?"

Response to question : Is anyone on SDN actually happy with their decision to go to medical school?