Blank Stare

So I submitted an application to St. George University ( Caribian Medical School) a couple of nights ago.   I am not 100% sure I am going have my transcripts and MCAT sent.   I have signed up for an information session in April.

It is one of the Big 3 Carb schools. Its also the most expensive.  But they have accreditation in California and New York, meaning I can do rotations and residencies in more states than a school that does not have the accreditation.

The biggest concern with the international school is what I am going to do with my Kid.  If I did not have that concern, I don't think I would have any problem heading out there in august to make all this come together and get it done.

I honestly do not know that I can get through another year of this inbetween state.

another random conversation.


Last night I go to dinner with a friend. See one of my old HR Leads from my previous career, and she is like send me your resume we have a lot of opportunities.   My friend is like.  That is a sign !

And of course my mind goes crazy.  Like is it? Should I? Can I make it work?  I immediately go into I get the job, move into a small place, clean up my budgets, pay of debt, and be in a nice house by the time Jordyn gets ready for High School, I can pay for her car, have resources to get through the high school years,  and then send her off to college, take some vacations, and ride out the rest of life.  (same internal struggle I have with myself every 6 months)


THEN...
today I go to the library after I drop J off at a friends (super cute house), and I am giving her like 20$ for snack or food after the movie, and like give me back what you don't spend.  And the friends mom is going to have to drop her off at home later, because I have to do a baby sitting job to make some extra money...  And on the way out of the historic neighborhood (which I love) I see a house for sale, that is a bit smaller than the others, but something I could have totally made super awesome if I would have stayed where I was 2 years ago.
---- don't get me wrong, I know this is all superficial things and it does not matter what everyone has, and if I wanted to be a Dr bad enough I need to sacrifice.  ALL this stuff that I know, but does not make things easier. ---

But I digress....  My point.  I stopped by the library after I drop Jordyn off to finish up some A&P work.

And I come to this library that I have never been before, just the closest Google showed from J's friends house.

I sit down and start working, and an older gentleman comes and ask if he could sit at the table. And of course I say yes.

He then proceeds to have a 20 minute conversation with me.
He is a former doctor, who is from Peru and went to undergard in the states, but could not get into a medical school here at the time and ended up doing a school in Mexico.   He was telling me all things are possible, if you really want them.  And I could be a Dr.  And how life success is more about what you say "no"to, just as much as what you say "yes" to.

He was like you just need a mentor and someone to help. 

I do not know if that means anything.   As I have stated before things just work out crazy for me. 

One thing will happen that makes me think I should move one way  and then something else will happen that makes me think I should move another way.

Its draining.  I wish I could just move to a different place and just focus on making it work. 

well... I just felt like jotting down these crazy things that run through my head.

Library closes in 30 mins.  I really need to get this HW finished.