Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Do I want it bad enough?
So I have asked myself this a few times over the course of my journey.
Lately I have found that I have a concern that I either don't want this bad enough or I am incapable of making it happen.
This often comes when I am going from one job to another, thinking of how tired I am and how I wish I was going home.
Or when I am stressing over not having the resources for something that I used to acquire without a thought.
I think my biggest fears come when I pick up that freaking MCAT book or think about how much studying I have NOT done for the GRE.
I sincerely enjoy my classes and I am ahead in my pre-reading and lab work. I am super pumped about doing gross anatomy and having class all day. I am not afraid of the work that I have heard is attached to getting through med school. I am just so worn out from this journey to just try and get there.
I think i could keep up the fight if I knew for sure I could get into a program this fall But I don't know that I will
I don't know that I can improve my score enough.
I don't know how to make more time to study for that test.
I keep thinking maybe I could just go ahead and go international, but I am afraid I would just make my journey even more difficult.
AAARRRGGG!!!!
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I am loving your blog! I too am a mommy (10, 7 and 7 months) and I am on my own journey to doctorhood. I am trying to study for the MCAT in April while taking care of my daughter but it is hard to stay motivated, and to even awake for that matter, to get the studying I need done. I have a pretty calendar and fantastic schedule sheets to keep my organized but somehow it feels like I can never stick to them. Just know, you are not alone. :-) Since I embarked on this journey, I've adopted the idea that if you can't go a day without thinking about it, it is in your heart to do. I know I think about being a doctor everyday. For myself, I am going to create a motivation board that I can look at every day to remind me of why I am doing what I am doing and I am going to focus on being more prayerful. I find I always struggle more when I stop surrendering to His will. I look forward to hearing about your continuing journey.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I LOVE your font on your blog. :)
DeleteSecond, congratulations on your most recent bundle of joy.
I have never been good at creating motivation boards, I think to hard about what needs to go on it and then get overwhelmed or start it and never finish. But I enjoy seeing others who have the creativity and patience to pull it off.
Its does help to know that I am not alone in this journey. Thank you for sharing your words of encouragement with me
Hi NyWood:
ReplyDeleteReading your blog I can't help but recognize myself. I recognize the anxiety, the drive, the excitement, the wanting to overcome serious obstacles. It is hard to get into medical school, it is especially hard when you are a non-trad student with many responsibilities than just school. I see that you have two jobs, (do you need both); I also see that you are trying to take both the MCAT and GRE (probably for PA (although most PA programs also take the MCAT)) and that you are a parent and that you are taking an Anatomy-Physiology class! The good thing about the AP is that Physiology is part of the required Biology on the MCAT. What books are you using for the MCAT? ExamKrackers 9th Edition (special for the 2015 MCAT) is good but only if you have a firm grasp of the material already, if you do not have a firm grasp, I highly recommend Berkeley Review because they teach the sciences from the ground up. Kaplan was always a nono, Princeton Review is good but Berkeley Review is better (I am not in any way connected to Berkeley Review but for the fact that I am using their stuff to prep for the 2015 Exam). Do you need to take the GRE? Studying for both the GRE and MCAT is grueling and with all the responsibilities you have I would say near impossible to do. I feel that you 'fail' (not read assigned readings at times indicated) because you are overwhelmed - and judging from your responsibilities, who wouldn't be. I hope you can make some decisions regarding cutting out the GRE maybe and make a saner schedule for MCAT studying, maybe break it up in a way where you do study for 2 hours on a subject and then do passages. MCAT is all about doing passages, as much as you can and then going over with a fine comb over the problems and answers, even if you had them right. The Berkeley Review has two books for each science, the Bio book has a physiology book and a molecular bio book, the molecular bio covers all the biochem you need to know for the upcoming test. I really recommend them. If physics is like a foreign language I highly suggest Nova MCAT Physics (you can buy this for $10.00 Kindle edition). Berkeley Review is really good in Physics and General Chemistry, but some find the Physics too dense. Anyway, stop making schedules that are impossible to adhere to, you work hard, part of your fun time is dedicated into getting into medical school (MCAT studying), let some reasonableness in for rest, sitcom time... otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure. from reading your blog I have the impression that you really want to become a doctor (MD/DO) and I think you are capable, just give yourself some breathing room and make a saner schedule, trust me 6-hour study schedules in combination with family, full-time work and classes are a set up for disaster, smaller increments are much better and focus on doing passages, passages, you can use Hyperlearning Princeton Review passages for this coming MCAT, if you want them I'll send them to you...(PDF files) They are still good especially biology, org chem and general chemistry passages. For the psychology sociology stuff I would just get exam krackers..
Hi Xerxes,
DeleteI do have a lot going on.
Having a more manageable schedule would probably help alleviate some pressure.
I have a lot of study material from my first attempt at the MCAT (ExamKrackers, Kaplan, old AMAC test, and other random topic info)
I will look into the Berkley Review for the Biochem, because I have not taken that class. ( thanks :)
I am generally ok with standard physics equations, but I think my problem lies in picking out what I need from the passage in a decent amount of time.
I will definitely focus more on doing more passages and maybe just do one topic a day or something.
I appreciate your insight :) Thanks for taking the time to share. :)
Also I would be happy to check out your Hyperlearning Princeton Review, It wont hurt to try something different.
Thank You :)
You definitely read my mind.. I started composing a blog post like this a week or so ago and never got the chance to finish because I had to study, or work, or do something with my kid (or something else that I cant remember). I understand the struggle but you have to encourage yourself, believe that everything will work out how it should and practice patience (which is harder said than done)!
ReplyDeleteThank you Rising Doc, and I have encouraged others along the way, but as you know when it comes to encouraging yourself its hard when your in the thick of it.
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