Wheels keep turning..

So as I sit here looking for jobs, look at all this crap I need to pack, looking at open MCAT books.

My mind wont be still.

1.  I am 98% sure I am not ready to just give up

2. I'm torn between getting a 8-5 in non-science/med field making as much money as I can until its time to re-apply

 or. 

getting into a med/science type job. that pays way less, but will look better on the application and has more flexible work hours to allow me to continue to study for this test and to finish up my research work for publication.

I think option one is the easier one once I find a job, but I hate to do all that and then quit on them when its time to head off to medical school. because its going to happen DANG IT,  I will be entering someones medical school in August 2015 Dadgummit...

Option 2 will be the best for getting in somewhere, but the hardest financially.  I think I am going to look into getting a CNA certification, but that's going to mean money.  I want to try and get a PCT or Multi-skilled job in a hospital, where I can work like 3 days a week (12 hour)  get enough to pay some small bills and put some money away.   I will keep my cleaning job, and maybe try and pick up one more.   Its just going to be hard at first because I still need to find a job while getting CNA.

So I may have to do some hybrid of Option 1 and 2, get a non-science job, while getting CNA, then just try to get a PRN hospital job on nights and weekends.   This will still strain me for studying & finishing my research but it is doable.

I think these larger corporations take to long to get back with you.  I may just go with a temp place now find a placement and go with that.   I am going to wait until Monday though.  I need to get moved out first.

Plan
(Today - Saturday)
1a.  Go by U-haul and get some boxes
1. Start getting rid of stuff
2. Pack up the stuff I can keep ( thanks to my AWESOME lifelong friend I have a place to put a few things)
3. Call Salvation Army for the big stuff beds, washer/dryer, couch, table
4. Take clothes to goodwill , we only wear about 60% of whats in the drawers and closet
5.  Deny all stress and worry while watching my daughter show on Saturday evening

Sunday
1. clean up place & turn in keys
2. go to Starbucks (or somewhere with Wi-fi) and fill out job applications

Monday

2. Go to the library after the Gym and put together a MCAT practice problem plan ( only focusing on going through problems this time)
3. Get at least 2 articles reviewed and noted for my Research project
4. Start on my personal statement

Update on school.

So final grades were posted for the spring
Got 2 A's and 2 B's .  So upset with myself I wanted All A's, but such is life. 
I have kind of put the calculus class in the back of my mind for now.  Maybe after I get into a grove, I can think about it again, and find a way to get it done before September, so I can finish my BS in Biology.

The Kido

She has been doing better in school and behavior.  I decided against taking away her extra ballet class that she was invited to.  However she wont be getting her point shoes until the summer which had a dual benefit,  ( punishment & saving me money). 

I am really hoping I get a job soon, so I can get her in a few summer dance camps.  She needs the exercise and something to keep her busy.   I am hoping to be out of my moms apartment within a month, becasue the 3 of us in a 1 bedroom apt is a disaster waiting to happen even worse there is no cable or w-ifi lord help me :). 

Work

Well most of this was covered above.   I also still have my house care job & and I work about 10 hours a week at a daycare for now.

Life

personally, on Monday & Tuesday I was one revolver away from calling it quits!  And of course looking back that sounds way over dramatic, but it was a big blow and I hate talking about my failures to people so I was kind of holding it all in.   But I chatted a bit and cried a bit and that opened up my mind.

I spent a lot of my childhood poor and anytime I have to look that potential in the face I just cant handle it.   Which is what kept me in my previous job for as long as it did.  But I have options they may not be easy or attractive right now but they are there.

also on a more positive note I have increased my working out to at least 4 - 5 times a week and do at least an hour of cardio every visit, and weights every other visit.  I have lost like 10 lbs ,  also eating less but still not optimal.  I want to keep up the working out even through all this stress...  Its going to be a challenge, but not one I want to loose. 

It is time for me to start conquering the HARD SHIT!!!

This blog has gotten way more personal than I had intended in the past few months, but I think it helps that I write it down, and I can have it to go back to.

Ok time to get ready for work.