How to read the signs.

I find myself wondering more often then not "is this a sign?" 

The personal/financial challenges are they a sign I need to stop this silly dream and be responsible and work a decent job and provide for my kid?

Or

Is it an obstacle/struggle that people that take be risk to do what the want or love have to withstand and conquer to be successfull. 

I have read a few stories about some successful people who had to live out is their cars, or with 5 orther people in a studio to make their dream come true. 

I have no idea what my struggles mean. Nor do I know what to do. What is the "right" decision.  I wish I could talk to someone who is where I am now.  

Any who. - quick update

Work - still looking have started applying for full time jobs.   I am still afraid to call contacts at my old place for 2 reasons

1.  I'm still convinced I am going to re-apply to med school and if I get in I don't want to have to resign again I think that's unfair. 

2.  I think going back to the similar area would mean a nail in the coffin for my dream I would give up and just ride out the rest of my life and try to make the  most of it. (Not a bad life, but then everything for the past 1.5 years would have been for naught) 

Praying something comes around soon. 

School- nothing much here, not a lot of progress on the research front.  I'm not a super fan of the guy I'm working with, he is nice but doesn't actually teach me anything.  He just ask me what I have when I seen him.  It's very frustrating. 

The plan - I have not been able to attend that MCAT class (no Internet) and there is no public library close that stays open that late and I have to pick up Jordyn from dance in the middle of class. 

I also have not studied.  I think I am letting this financial struggle de-rail everything else.    May be some form of self-fulfilling profacy.  I let myself fail at my goal forcing me to think my only true direction is to return from where I came.   Or maybe I am afraid of failing or something.  Who the hell knows!!!

Life -  see above!!! - kind of sucking right now.  But I have been going to the gym as regularly as I can. I think that has helped a lot with the stress.   

Hopefully soon I can actually list an accomplishment here.  Sometning that's worth my path to & through medical school blog.  Because now it seems like a bunch of whining. 

That or  bid it farewell because I have put the dream to rest.   

I just need one light, one sparkle to help glimpse the path the direction to take and I will start running toward it.