Tangled Thoughts

So I wasn't sure what I want to title this.  I am thinking a lot of things right now.


1.  Grades were released
  Microbiology - B
  Cell Physiology - B
  Healthy Psychology - A
  Genomics - A

I have to admit I am a bit disappointed in the B's although those were some pretty challenging course, I think if I would have worked just a bit harder I could have had A's. But nothing can be done now.

2. I am stressed out.
-  still have not found another job,  I have had a couple of interviews, but the word wont be back until after the holidays.  They are also lower paid and small hours.  And the one that pays the most, is only like 19 hours a week.  And unfortunately the hours conflict so I couldn't do both if I was offered them.   -  I am thinking about finding a full time 3rd shift job, since I only have class tue & thur.  Also I would be able to get Jordyn to/from dance and competitions when they start up.  But I know working full time overnight will put a challenge on my ability to make the grades I want to make in my courses, which ultimately defeats the purpose.

- MCAT studying is not going well.  My progress is slow and I am getting intimidated.   I will go over content and fell comfortable, but then take practice problem and its like I don't remember what I just read...  But when I look at answer explanations its obvious...  so frustrating.

3.  Considering giving up...   so for the past few days with the MCAT stress and financial stress.  I think WTF am I doing?   Those are the same reasons I didn't go after it before.  I was intimidated by that test, and I needed money.    And here I am again with the same worries. 

One year after making the big leap and I am already doubting myself.

I think if I could get my financial situation under control I could do what I need to about the test.  I could even push it off until April, and just not worry about applying to that Post-bac program.

In the back of my head I know giving up is not really an option, at least not without trying.  Especially since I am one semester (+ fitting in calculus somewhere)  away from completing the BS. 
This is one of those times I wish I had well off family I could go and live with ( or win the lottery), that way I can just focus on getting the school and test done.  I just need 6 months, and then I can find a full-time day job, for the year that I am waiting to hear back on applications.   Unfortunately those kind of thoughts are useless and unhelpful.

Its Christmas Eve and doesn't really feel like it.  I didn't decorate or even wrap my daughters gifts.  I was able to get mostly everything she asked for so that was nice, but I don't really feel in the spirit.  I am kind of just ready for it to be over and done with, its just one more thing to stress about and the traffic sucks.

Ok...  I am finish complaining.  I really didn't want to write these types of things here, but hopefully I can come back and look at them after I have made it over the hump, and be happy that I kept pushing forward through the doubt.
 
Happy Holidays