What to do next...

So scores where posted today. 

Needless to say the results were less than stellar.  

I actually made a score 1 point lower than the first time. 

Even though I went up 2 points on my Bio section I lost 1 point each on my Physical Science & Verbal sections which happen to be the two sections I ran out of time on.  

Ugh.  So now I need to decide on if I want 

A.  Try test again 

B. Apply with what I have

D. Take a diffenent medical route

E. Resume previous career path. 

 My stomach is starting to hurt just thinking of this. 

mushy brain

My brain is so full of thoughts, fears, worries, decisions, frustrations... everything..    And sometimes  I just want to go to sleep.

so...  this semester is kind of blah so far.

- I have had my first test in both Plant Science & Animal Physiology.   I don't know my Plant Science yet, we just took it a couple days ago, but I am 100% sure there is room for improvement.   I didn't study enough.   I am not a huge fan of the topic so trying to read through and learn 7 chapters and remember the lifecycles and tissue names, and all the other stuff was torture.   I am going to try and study each chapter in detail and enter it into quizlet immedietly after we go over it in class.  Then go back to quizlet a week before the test and review.   Her test are actually pretty fair.  So I think that would be sufficient enough to get an A. 

Animal Phys test was also pretty fair, but he said it was not typical of all his test, and its worth lest.  I ended up being 2 points from an A, so I am going to have to work my butt off for the next tests.


The Animal lab is horrible.  The teacher post like 100 documents and info on blackboard, but does not tell you what to actually use for what.   And when you get to the lab the equiptment doesnt work, and everyone is just running around like chicken's with their heads cut off.

Plant phys lab is more structured and by the book.  So in this class its just about doing all my required reading before lab, completing all the pre-lab stuff, and keeping my lab notebook up to par.  I just have to put in the time.

The bio labs I TA in on tue/thur night are going ok.  I think I just hate being at school till 9pm. 





I still have not started working in the Genomics lab.  I have contacted the guy I am supposed to work with and he keeps blowing me off.   I hate to go to the professor, but I may have to.  I refuse to get halfway through the semester, and he accuses me of not putting any effort to get to work.

I have also not returned to the clinic.   Every Tue/Thur  I am trying to get in some school work in those couple hours before class starts.   M/W/F I am at work during the day, I am going to have to get in more school work in the evening time.   I can see myself falling behind


Every now and again... I think about hanging up my med school aspirations at the end of the semester.

I got an email from oldpremeds.com  they are having another conference.  I have been to 2 of them and they are always very informational and motivational.   This one is going to be in DC.  I looked at the prices and I could get down there & stay for 3 days for about 600 bucks. ( plus tax & food).  

I think I am going to consider it.   I may wait until after I get my scores back  and decide then.

Back to the books...

Void

So before my MCAT last week, I was considering not taking the test, because I was not ready for it.   But I felt if I did not take it I would not realize the full impact on my lack of time commitment to study to my fullest potential.   So then I decided I would take the test, but void it so the bad score would not show on my record.   However after spending 4 hours taking that test I decided I really wanted to know how I did so I did not void the test.    So now I have to wait 30-45 days to know how much damage was done.

I don't really know how I felt about the test.   There were a few things that I was like, I don't remember the exact rules or formula so I did not have the confidence in my choice.   I also ran out of time on the Physical Science and the Verbal reasoning sections so I had to guess on about 20 questions.   

It is a horrible test, I am sure if I would have spent more time taking AAMC test I would have been able to feel more comfortable on guessing what I may have missed or gotten right.

I am glad its over,  I don't really have much confidence that I will not have to take it again in June.   I am just glad I get a little bit of a breather.   And I kind of feel like my class load this year will allow me to put in the necessary work required to get it a good amount of practice.  

I am still working on finding a second or third job.   So far the part time job at the tax office is going to only get me about 20 hours a week, I have put in a few applications at medical places that have evening hours. I am going to give them a week or two to hear back, and then if not I will go ahead an apply for a waitress/server job at Applebee's and The Movie Tavern.

WTH!!!!

So I was going to wait until 1/25/14 to make a post, because it was going to be my one year mark and I would be past my MCAT.   But as I sit here in the library thinking WTF did I do to my life I decided why not just write it now...


So many things have gone through my mind in the last few weeks I do not know where to start or what exactly to say.

So I think I left off in my last post where I was doing 6-7 hours a day studying for the MCAT and all seemed well...  until I got sick.  I had some some allergic reaction or stress reaction and got a horrible case of the hives all over my body.  I could not barely stand to have on clothes, and I was taking 3 Benadryl every 4 hours and Zyrtec at night.  Around the 3rd day my face began to swell and I had trouble breathing.   So I end up going to the urgent care and spending 250 bucks on seeing a doctor for 36 seconds, getting a steroid shot, and 5 day oral steroid treatment.  Finally by the sixth day I was hive free, with only minor itching.   Unfortunately I lost six days of study, working out, and the first week of class.

After that total waste of life force I found myself one week away from an exam I am not ready for, extremely broke, and thinking why in the hell was I not just be happy for what little success at my old career I had and live the rest of my life like everyone else and find a freaking hobby...

Once again I found myself back on my old jobs "career" website thinking "hey, at least you tried."  But then I am like really...  did you try?   I mean I am still letting this test and finances drive my decisions.   But as much as I want to think they can be over come they are important.  So far I lack the discipline to commit to the required amount of studying to pass this test, and the bills keep coming and the money does not.

       ----- ** ------   so I had to stop writing to go to class, now 5 hours later ----- ** ------ 

Ok, so as with most post if I have to stop mid post to do something else and then return I loose the momentum and have a hard time finishing on the same note as I started. 

But I will try.  Bottom line.  I have once again allowed myself to be defeated by myself.  I failed to commit the required amount of time to truly prepare for this test, and I did not push it back.   Second spent too much time unemployed, I should have stayed at that scribe job until I found another one so now I have depleted my savings. 

I have choices I need to make.

1.  Quit now, apply for a jobs in my old field and hope I can get a job
  ---  Benfits
      => I can pay bills
      => my daughter gets to stay at same school, same dance studio, and keep the same number of      activities
      => I may be motivated to do more there and grow within, or find a hobby and nurture something outside of work

---  Consequences / Pitfalls /F'ed up things
     => the feeling of personal failure
     => having to face family and friends that ask, " so are you a doctor now?"
         --- 10X as worse if I go back to work for the same company in my area
     => I will still probably hate my job, but I will have zero 401K and $8,000 more student loans

2.  Keep on the same track  " trying to get into med school"
      by Retaking MCAT & finding a couple of more part time jobs to stay afloat

---  Benefits
     =>  I wont be a big A$$ quitter
     => I will challange myself and experience a career I think I can enjoy and do well in
     =>  after a while there is good earning potential

--- Challanges
     => I am going to have to work a couple of more jobs, maybe waitresing  on the weekend
     => may have to scale back on my little ones dance and other non-necessities ( not many left)
    => may require moving to a new place
    => may need to move into a one bedroom, or find a roommate ( not an easy thing when you have children)
     => I still have to beat this FREAKING MCAT. 

 3.  Switch my focus to Physician Assistant (PA) or Nurse Practitioner (NP) program

--- Benefits
      =>  If i can get into a direct-entry MSN program, which is a program for people who already hold a non-nursing degree,  it is a masters level program so I can get financial aid and after 16 months I will have BNS so I can work as a Nurse part time and make a decent income, while I work toward my MSN then NP.
      =>  the PA program is only 3 years and then I can start working, I will have fewer loans and enter the work force sooner.
       =>   I will still be in the medical field, and I would not totally be giving up my dreams


--- Challenges / Drawbacks
 =>   I really wanted that in depth training that came with MD/DO, the NP/PA is accelerated and shortened, and you don't have that intern/residency training to solidify and work out the kinks and build in that practical layer that I think I would like to have.

=> There is only 1 direct entry MSN program in Texas and its in Austin, so even if I did get into one, I would have to move which means a lot of change for my little one.

=> PA programs are extremely competitive and prefer for you to have prior medical experience.  And I think they kind of look down on those who changed from pre-med to PA, you have to hide it very well or explain very well why you did it. ( Not an absolute truth, just from what I have heard from those who have been through it) . And alot of those who originally aspired to be MDs are not happy with their PA. ( I have met a few of those)

=> Application deadline is in September and I would still need to study for and take the GRE and Anatomy and Physiology I & II over the summer, and find a PA to shadow and get an LOR


As of right now, I am 100% sure I am not going to quit mid semester.  I do very well in my classes, and enjoy learning the content.  And to quit and leave the semester unfinished would be just plain stupid.  And if I finish the semester, then I may as well finish the BS in Bio because I will only need pre-cal and calculus to complete the degree.   I basically just need to find a way to get in front of my finances and get this semester done.   I may be able to use my high score guarantee to take another MCAT prep course,  and just try again.  If not the MCAT I can study for GRE and do the PA/NP applications.

I don't think I ready to go back to my old life quite yet, I just need to find a decent paying job, and after the semester is finished I will have more flexibility which will open me up to seeking higher paying jobs. 

I just have to hold out.

Ok, I still have some daylight left. I am thinking I can try some high yield questions.  Oh I forgot I am also considering not sitting for my exam.  It would be a MAJOR waste of 275$, but if I do worse on it then I did the first time, that is going to look really really bad on my applications.

my brain hurts...  Im out..

Slow progress.

So I have been studying for about  6-7 hours a day for the last few days, and now today I can barely get through a paragraph.   I know I need to get it in, but I have been on Physics for a couple of days and I think it's taking it's toll.   I like physics but I hate reading about it.  I prefer to do it!   I think I am going to take a break until after lunch and just go 12-6 for 1.5 hour intervals with 15 min breaks.  

I will still get a bit of a break without giving up much progress.  I still have a lot of content to get through and I have not taken any practice test, only content questions throughout my readings.  

I think I am going to get through all the content I can by Friday.   Then only practice test and questions till the test.  

School starts back on Monday and I have a couple training shifts for my part time job at the tax office.  So 2 hour blocks of test sessions should help.  And hopefully at least 3 full-length test in a simulated environment.  

Well I am going to take advantage of my hour break and read and try not to cry about this horrible earache I have.