Now What?

So I got my rejection letter from the program yesterday.  Its so frustrating that it took so long to get the word,  I thought I had a chance especially since I did everything that they said I needed to improve my chances of getting in.

Now I feel like such an idiot.  I had a decent job I could pay for all my kids stuff.  Yea I was unfulfilled and wanted to go after this, but it wasn't like i was a 20 something single person.   I am a 30 something single parent of a middle school kid.

And even though this program was only one of the options I considered it was the best one to help the transition.  To still be a good mom and go after what I want.

Now trying to look over this MCAT stuff is just stressing me out.  I cant even focus on it.

I don't want to give up , but I cant afford this journey anymore.  

I tried to get out of my head today and think about my alternatives, but they all come with their own set of roadblocks

PA school : need AP I & II & GRE would have to pay out of pocket, will still have to move

Nursing -> NP :  need AP & GRE (out of pocket) may have something on line, but specialty is limited

Caribbean : the kid

I applied to a couple of systems engineering jobs yesterday, and I am thinking I have probably messed myself off going back there, because they are going to be like.. So why did you leave?  What did you do?   Nothing like telling them you tried a new career and failed.  They are going to wonder how long will you actually be committed to them.  Or that your incompetent.

Even if I were to get a call today for an interview, it does not really help my immediate situation.  I need to be out of my apt in a week, and I going to see if my mom is interested in taking over my car lease since hers is pretty old.   After that I am just going to try and keep from stabbing myself in the eye for F-in up my life so badly, then hopefully at the bottom I can clear my head and of course any decision made at that point is better than than doing nothing and staying there.

FML!