Monday, January 27, 2014
Void
So before my MCAT last week, I was considering not taking the test, because I was not ready for it. But I felt if I did not take it I would not realize the full impact on my lack of time commitment to study to my fullest potential. So then I decided I would take the test, but void it so the bad score would not show on my record. However after spending 4 hours taking that test I decided I really wanted to know how I did so I did not void the test. So now I have to wait 30-45 days to know how much damage was done.
I don't really know how I felt about the test. There were a few things that I was like, I don't remember the exact rules or formula so I did not have the confidence in my choice. I also ran out of time on the Physical Science and the Verbal reasoning sections so I had to guess on about 20 questions.
It is a horrible test, I am sure if I would have spent more time taking AAMC test I would have been able to feel more comfortable on guessing what I may have missed or gotten right.
I am glad its over, I don't really have much confidence that I will not have to take it again in June. I am just glad I get a little bit of a breather. And I kind of feel like my class load this year will allow me to put in the necessary work required to get it a good amount of practice.
I am still working on finding a second or third job. So far the part time job at the tax office is going to only get me about 20 hours a week, I have put in a few applications at medical places that have evening hours. I am going to give them a week or two to hear back, and then if not I will go ahead an apply for a waitress/server job at Applebee's and The Movie Tavern.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
WTH!!!!
So I was going to wait until 1/25/14 to make a post, because it was going to be my one year mark and I would be past my MCAT. But as I sit here in the library thinking WTF did I do to my life I decided why not just write it now...
So many things have gone through my mind in the last few weeks I do not know where to start or what exactly to say.
So I think I left off in my last post where I was doing 6-7 hours a day studying for the MCAT and all seemed well... until I got sick. I had some some allergic reaction or stress reaction and got a horrible case of the hives all over my body. I could not barely stand to have on clothes, and I was taking 3 Benadryl every 4 hours and Zyrtec at night. Around the 3rd day my face began to swell and I had trouble breathing. So I end up going to the urgent care and spending 250 bucks on seeing a doctor for 36 seconds, getting a steroid shot, and 5 day oral steroid treatment. Finally by the sixth day I was hive free, with only minor itching. Unfortunately I lost six days of study, working out, and the first week of class.
After that total waste of life force I found myself one week away from an exam I am not ready for, extremely broke, and thinking why in the hell was I not just be happy for what little success at my old career I had and live the rest of my life like everyone else and find a freaking hobby...
Once again I found myself back on my old jobs "career" website thinking "hey, at least you tried." But then I am like really... did you try? I mean I am still letting this test and finances drive my decisions. But as much as I want to think they can be over come they are important. So far I lack the discipline to commit to the required amount of studying to pass this test, and the bills keep coming and the money does not.
----- ** ------ so I had to stop writing to go to class, now 5 hours later ----- ** ------
Ok, so as with most post if I have to stop mid post to do something else and then return I loose the momentum and have a hard time finishing on the same note as I started.
But I will try. Bottom line. I have once again allowed myself to be defeated by myself. I failed to commit the required amount of time to truly prepare for this test, and I did not push it back. Second spent too much time unemployed, I should have stayed at that scribe job until I found another one so now I have depleted my savings.
I have choices I need to make.
1. Quit now, apply for a jobs in my old field and hope I can get a job
--- Benfits
=> I can pay bills
=> my daughter gets to stay at same school, same dance studio, and keep the same number of activities
=> I may be motivated to do more there and grow within, or find a hobby and nurture something outside of work
--- Consequences / Pitfalls /F'ed up things
=> the feeling of personal failure
=> having to face family and friends that ask, " so are you a doctor now?"
--- 10X as worse if I go back to work for the same company in my area
=> I will still probably hate my job, but I will have zero 401K and $8,000 more student loans
2. Keep on the same track " trying to get into med school"
by Retaking MCAT & finding a couple of more part time jobs to stay afloat
--- Benefits
=> I wont be a big A$$ quitter
=> I will challange myself and experience a career I think I can enjoy and do well in
=> after a while there is good earning potential
--- Challanges
=> I am going to have to work a couple of more jobs, maybe waitresing on the weekend
=> may have to scale back on my little ones dance and other non-necessities ( not many left)
=> may require moving to a new place
=> may need to move into a one bedroom, or find a roommate ( not an easy thing when you have children)
=> I still have to beat this FREAKING MCAT.
3. Switch my focus to Physician Assistant (PA) or Nurse Practitioner (NP) program
--- Benefits
=> If i can get into a direct-entry MSN program, which is a program for people who already hold a non-nursing degree, it is a masters level program so I can get financial aid and after 16 months I will have BNS so I can work as a Nurse part time and make a decent income, while I work toward my MSN then NP.
=> the PA program is only 3 years and then I can start working, I will have fewer loans and enter the work force sooner.
=> I will still be in the medical field, and I would not totally be giving up my dreams
--- Challenges / Drawbacks
=> I really wanted that in depth training that came with MD/DO, the NP/PA is accelerated and shortened, and you don't have that intern/residency training to solidify and work out the kinks and build in that practical layer that I think I would like to have.
=> There is only 1 direct entry MSN program in Texas and its in Austin, so even if I did get into one, I would have to move which means a lot of change for my little one.
=> PA programs are extremely competitive and prefer for you to have prior medical experience. And I think they kind of look down on those who changed from pre-med to PA, you have to hide it very well or explain very well why you did it. ( Not an absolute truth, just from what I have heard from those who have been through it) . And alot of those who originally aspired to be MDs are not happy with their PA. ( I have met a few of those)
=> Application deadline is in September and I would still need to study for and take the GRE and Anatomy and Physiology I & II over the summer, and find a PA to shadow and get an LOR
As of right now, I am 100% sure I am not going to quit mid semester. I do very well in my classes, and enjoy learning the content. And to quit and leave the semester unfinished would be just plain stupid. And if I finish the semester, then I may as well finish the BS in Bio because I will only need pre-cal and calculus to complete the degree. I basically just need to find a way to get in front of my finances and get this semester done. I may be able to use my high score guarantee to take another MCAT prep course, and just try again. If not the MCAT I can study for GRE and do the PA/NP applications.
I don't think I ready to go back to my old life quite yet, I just need to find a decent paying job, and after the semester is finished I will have more flexibility which will open me up to seeking higher paying jobs.
I just have to hold out.
Ok, I still have some daylight left. I am thinking I can try some high yield questions. Oh I forgot I am also considering not sitting for my exam. It would be a MAJOR waste of 275$, but if I do worse on it then I did the first time, that is going to look really really bad on my applications.
my brain hurts... Im out..
So many things have gone through my mind in the last few weeks I do not know where to start or what exactly to say.
So I think I left off in my last post where I was doing 6-7 hours a day studying for the MCAT and all seemed well... until I got sick. I had some some allergic reaction or stress reaction and got a horrible case of the hives all over my body. I could not barely stand to have on clothes, and I was taking 3 Benadryl every 4 hours and Zyrtec at night. Around the 3rd day my face began to swell and I had trouble breathing. So I end up going to the urgent care and spending 250 bucks on seeing a doctor for 36 seconds, getting a steroid shot, and 5 day oral steroid treatment. Finally by the sixth day I was hive free, with only minor itching. Unfortunately I lost six days of study, working out, and the first week of class.
After that total waste of life force I found myself one week away from an exam I am not ready for, extremely broke, and thinking why in the hell was I not just be happy for what little success at my old career I had and live the rest of my life like everyone else and find a freaking hobby...
Once again I found myself back on my old jobs "career" website thinking "hey, at least you tried." But then I am like really... did you try? I mean I am still letting this test and finances drive my decisions. But as much as I want to think they can be over come they are important. So far I lack the discipline to commit to the required amount of studying to pass this test, and the bills keep coming and the money does not.
----- ** ------ so I had to stop writing to go to class, now 5 hours later ----- ** ------
Ok, so as with most post if I have to stop mid post to do something else and then return I loose the momentum and have a hard time finishing on the same note as I started.
But I will try. Bottom line. I have once again allowed myself to be defeated by myself. I failed to commit the required amount of time to truly prepare for this test, and I did not push it back. Second spent too much time unemployed, I should have stayed at that scribe job until I found another one so now I have depleted my savings.
I have choices I need to make.
1. Quit now, apply for a jobs in my old field and hope I can get a job
--- Benfits
=> I can pay bills
=> my daughter gets to stay at same school, same dance studio, and keep the same number of activities
=> I may be motivated to do more there and grow within, or find a hobby and nurture something outside of work
--- Consequences / Pitfalls /F'ed up things
=> the feeling of personal failure
=> having to face family and friends that ask, " so are you a doctor now?"
--- 10X as worse if I go back to work for the same company in my area
=> I will still probably hate my job, but I will have zero 401K and $8,000 more student loans
2. Keep on the same track " trying to get into med school"
by Retaking MCAT & finding a couple of more part time jobs to stay afloat
--- Benefits
=> I wont be a big A$$ quitter
=> I will challange myself and experience a career I think I can enjoy and do well in
=> after a while there is good earning potential
--- Challanges
=> I am going to have to work a couple of more jobs, maybe waitresing on the weekend
=> may have to scale back on my little ones dance and other non-necessities ( not many left)
=> may require moving to a new place
=> may need to move into a one bedroom, or find a roommate ( not an easy thing when you have children)
=> I still have to beat this FREAKING MCAT.
3. Switch my focus to Physician Assistant (PA) or Nurse Practitioner (NP) program
--- Benefits
=> If i can get into a direct-entry MSN program, which is a program for people who already hold a non-nursing degree, it is a masters level program so I can get financial aid and after 16 months I will have BNS so I can work as a Nurse part time and make a decent income, while I work toward my MSN then NP.
=> the PA program is only 3 years and then I can start working, I will have fewer loans and enter the work force sooner.
=> I will still be in the medical field, and I would not totally be giving up my dreams
--- Challenges / Drawbacks
=> I really wanted that in depth training that came with MD/DO, the NP/PA is accelerated and shortened, and you don't have that intern/residency training to solidify and work out the kinks and build in that practical layer that I think I would like to have.
=> There is only 1 direct entry MSN program in Texas and its in Austin, so even if I did get into one, I would have to move which means a lot of change for my little one.
=> PA programs are extremely competitive and prefer for you to have prior medical experience. And I think they kind of look down on those who changed from pre-med to PA, you have to hide it very well or explain very well why you did it. ( Not an absolute truth, just from what I have heard from those who have been through it) . And alot of those who originally aspired to be MDs are not happy with their PA. ( I have met a few of those)
=> Application deadline is in September and I would still need to study for and take the GRE and Anatomy and Physiology I & II over the summer, and find a PA to shadow and get an LOR
As of right now, I am 100% sure I am not going to quit mid semester. I do very well in my classes, and enjoy learning the content. And to quit and leave the semester unfinished would be just plain stupid. And if I finish the semester, then I may as well finish the BS in Bio because I will only need pre-cal and calculus to complete the degree. I basically just need to find a way to get in front of my finances and get this semester done. I may be able to use my high score guarantee to take another MCAT prep course, and just try again. If not the MCAT I can study for GRE and do the PA/NP applications.
I don't think I ready to go back to my old life quite yet, I just need to find a decent paying job, and after the semester is finished I will have more flexibility which will open me up to seeking higher paying jobs.
I just have to hold out.
Ok, I still have some daylight left. I am thinking I can try some high yield questions. Oh I forgot I am also considering not sitting for my exam. It would be a MAJOR waste of 275$, but if I do worse on it then I did the first time, that is going to look really really bad on my applications.
my brain hurts... Im out..
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Slow progress.
So I have been studying for about 6-7 hours a day for the last few days, and now today I can barely get through a paragraph. I know I need to get it in, but I have been on Physics for a couple of days and I think it's taking it's toll. I like physics but I hate reading about it. I prefer to do it! I think I am going to take a break until after lunch and just go 12-6 for 1.5 hour intervals with 15 min breaks.
I will still get a bit of a break without giving up much progress. I still have a lot of content to get through and I have not taken any practice test, only content questions throughout my readings.
I think I am going to get through all the content I can by Friday. Then only practice test and questions till the test.
School starts back on Monday and I have a couple training shifts for my part time job at the tax office. So 2 hour blocks of test sessions should help. And hopefully at least 3 full-length test in a simulated environment.
Well I am going to take advantage of my hour break and read and try not to cry about this horrible earache I have.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Tangled Thoughts
So I wasn't sure what I want to title this. I am thinking a lot of things right now.
1. Grades were released
Microbiology - B
Cell Physiology - B
Healthy Psychology - A
Genomics - A
I have to admit I am a bit disappointed in the B's although those were some pretty challenging course, I think if I would have worked just a bit harder I could have had A's. But nothing can be done now.
2. I am stressed out.
- still have not found another job, I have had a couple of interviews, but the word wont be back until after the holidays. They are also lower paid and small hours. And the one that pays the most, is only like 19 hours a week. And unfortunately the hours conflict so I couldn't do both if I was offered them. - I am thinking about finding a full time 3rd shift job, since I only have class tue & thur. Also I would be able to get Jordyn to/from dance and competitions when they start up. But I know working full time overnight will put a challenge on my ability to make the grades I want to make in my courses, which ultimately defeats the purpose.
- MCAT studying is not going well. My progress is slow and I am getting intimidated. I will go over content and fell comfortable, but then take practice problem and its like I don't remember what I just read... But when I look at answer explanations its obvious... so frustrating.
3. Considering giving up... so for the past few days with the MCAT stress and financial stress. I think WTF am I doing? Those are the same reasons I didn't go after it before. I was intimidated by that test, and I needed money. And here I am again with the same worries.
One year after making the big leap and I am already doubting myself.
I think if I could get my financial situation under control I could do what I need to about the test. I could even push it off until April, and just not worry about applying to that Post-bac program.
In the back of my head I know giving up is not really an option, at least not without trying. Especially since I am one semester (+ fitting in calculus somewhere) away from completing the BS.
This is one of those times I wish I had well off family I could go and live with ( or win the lottery), that way I can just focus on getting the school and test done. I just need 6 months, and then I can find a full-time day job, for the year that I am waiting to hear back on applications. Unfortunately those kind of thoughts are useless and unhelpful.
Its Christmas Eve and doesn't really feel like it. I didn't decorate or even wrap my daughters gifts. I was able to get mostly everything she asked for so that was nice, but I don't really feel in the spirit. I am kind of just ready for it to be over and done with, its just one more thing to stress about and the traffic sucks.
Ok... I am finish complaining. I really didn't want to write these types of things here, but hopefully I can come back and look at them after I have made it over the hump, and be happy that I kept pushing forward through the doubt.
Happy Holidays
1. Grades were released
Microbiology - B
Cell Physiology - B
Healthy Psychology - A
Genomics - A
I have to admit I am a bit disappointed in the B's although those were some pretty challenging course, I think if I would have worked just a bit harder I could have had A's. But nothing can be done now.
2. I am stressed out.
- still have not found another job, I have had a couple of interviews, but the word wont be back until after the holidays. They are also lower paid and small hours. And the one that pays the most, is only like 19 hours a week. And unfortunately the hours conflict so I couldn't do both if I was offered them. - I am thinking about finding a full time 3rd shift job, since I only have class tue & thur. Also I would be able to get Jordyn to/from dance and competitions when they start up. But I know working full time overnight will put a challenge on my ability to make the grades I want to make in my courses, which ultimately defeats the purpose.
- MCAT studying is not going well. My progress is slow and I am getting intimidated. I will go over content and fell comfortable, but then take practice problem and its like I don't remember what I just read... But when I look at answer explanations its obvious... so frustrating.
3. Considering giving up... so for the past few days with the MCAT stress and financial stress. I think WTF am I doing? Those are the same reasons I didn't go after it before. I was intimidated by that test, and I needed money. And here I am again with the same worries.
One year after making the big leap and I am already doubting myself.
I think if I could get my financial situation under control I could do what I need to about the test. I could even push it off until April, and just not worry about applying to that Post-bac program.
In the back of my head I know giving up is not really an option, at least not without trying. Especially since I am one semester (+ fitting in calculus somewhere) away from completing the BS.
This is one of those times I wish I had well off family I could go and live with ( or win the lottery), that way I can just focus on getting the school and test done. I just need 6 months, and then I can find a full-time day job, for the year that I am waiting to hear back on applications. Unfortunately those kind of thoughts are useless and unhelpful.
Its Christmas Eve and doesn't really feel like it. I didn't decorate or even wrap my daughters gifts. I was able to get mostly everything she asked for so that was nice, but I don't really feel in the spirit. I am kind of just ready for it to be over and done with, its just one more thing to stress about and the traffic sucks.
Ok... I am finish complaining. I really didn't want to write these types of things here, but hopefully I can come back and look at them after I have made it over the hump, and be happy that I kept pushing forward through the doubt.
Happy Holidays
Monday, December 16, 2013
Grades are trickling in
So far I have 2 A's for this semester
Genomics & Health Psychology.
I had my Cell Phys final today, she screwed me over on one of my projects given me an 18% even though I met all the qualifications. She apparently screwed a few people over, because her TA's have sent out multiple emails saying she will not look back over them until after the final.
I really hope that she changes it. I had 83 before the project, that went down to a 70 after it.
I got an 88 on the final. If she gives me a better grade there is a small chance I can make an B or A in the class, which would be VERY nice.
I am still waiting to hear back on Micro. He doesn't post on blackboard so we have to wait for the official School scores to come out, and the grades are not even due for records until after the 20th.
I don't even want to guess what I am going to get in there. I got an A in the lab, I studied pretty hard for the final, I felt like it may have been a B. So I hope I can get an B in the class. Hopefully someone really screwed up and we got a decent curve.
I have talked to a few family members and friends and am starting to get the...
How long do you have left in medical school?
You are in medical school right?
Where are you going to medical school?
I really hate those questions, and not because of the people, I know for the most part its just conversation or interest.
But I feel like such a dumb A$$ when I am like, I'm not in , I apply in May.
which ultimately leads to ... well how long will you be in after that...
and the looks on people's faces when I mention the number of years is a bit stressful.
I have gotten to where I break it up. I will just be like.
Well I spend 2 years of classroom learning, and then everything else is rotating around the specialties. I have NO idea why I do that. I mean it doesn't really matter, they are not the ones going through it. I am. But for some reason I feel I have to justify why I am spending the next 8 years of my VERY adult life trying to do this.
Anwhooo...
I got an email today reminding me about my MCAT on 1/23 (as if I could forget). I am SOOO ready to get this test over with. I start my hardcore study plan tomorrow.
I was supposed to start today, but since we had an ice storm, my final was pushed back a week, so I just went to the gym after it, and came home. I got on the PC, but have not studied.
Tomorrow, I will not come home until I have spent a full day in the library.
Genomics & Health Psychology.
I had my Cell Phys final today, she screwed me over on one of my projects given me an 18% even though I met all the qualifications. She apparently screwed a few people over, because her TA's have sent out multiple emails saying she will not look back over them until after the final.
I really hope that she changes it. I had 83 before the project, that went down to a 70 after it.
I got an 88 on the final. If she gives me a better grade there is a small chance I can make an B or A in the class, which would be VERY nice.
I am still waiting to hear back on Micro. He doesn't post on blackboard so we have to wait for the official School scores to come out, and the grades are not even due for records until after the 20th.
I don't even want to guess what I am going to get in there. I got an A in the lab, I studied pretty hard for the final, I felt like it may have been a B. So I hope I can get an B in the class. Hopefully someone really screwed up and we got a decent curve.
I have talked to a few family members and friends and am starting to get the...
How long do you have left in medical school?
You are in medical school right?
Where are you going to medical school?
I really hate those questions, and not because of the people, I know for the most part its just conversation or interest.
But I feel like such a dumb A$$ when I am like, I'm not in , I apply in May.
which ultimately leads to ... well how long will you be in after that...
and the looks on people's faces when I mention the number of years is a bit stressful.
I have gotten to where I break it up. I will just be like.
Well I spend 2 years of classroom learning, and then everything else is rotating around the specialties. I have NO idea why I do that. I mean it doesn't really matter, they are not the ones going through it. I am. But for some reason I feel I have to justify why I am spending the next 8 years of my VERY adult life trying to do this.
Anwhooo...
I got an email today reminding me about my MCAT on 1/23 (as if I could forget). I am SOOO ready to get this test over with. I start my hardcore study plan tomorrow.
I was supposed to start today, but since we had an ice storm, my final was pushed back a week, so I just went to the gym after it, and came home. I got on the PC, but have not studied.
Tomorrow, I will not come home until I have spent a full day in the library.
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