Still no word

      So I still have not heard back from the Med Sci program.  I am glad I have not been denied yet, so it means I am still in the running.  But the uncertainty is stressful.   I still need to find sources of income, and every time I look at a job, there is going to be some potential conflict if I do get in.   I guess I am going to have to just take something and leave if I get accepted,  and on the other hand, since I am going to be finished with class, I would rather take on a "real" job where I can make some decent money. (especially if I don't get into the program). Decisions!!!!


     I called Kaplan today and used my "high score guarantee".  I will be retaking the course but online this time with live instructors.   If I get into the MedScie program, they have a mandatory MCAT class, I may be able to substitute the one I have for the mandatory class. However, a person in a forum mentioned they significantly increased their score with the Princeton Review Program they offer with the MedSci program.  But until I know whether I am in or not, that's not really something I need to concern myself with. When it all comes down to it, I just need to put in the time, to do as many practice questions as I can.

Finals are next week.  I did not start studying today, because I had my work I normaly do on Sunday today, because my kid had dance competition all weekend.   I am going to start tomorrow.   We dont have our plant science class, but we do have a Animal Phys class, but he said he is just going to open it up for questions.   I'm thinking since I don't have lab, I am not going to drive over.   I think I am going to go to the gym after I drop off the kids, then head over to this temp place to see what jobs they have.   Then just go to the library until its time to take my little one food at dance.

Oh yea... I don't think I mentioned this before, but I got an email about looking into podiatry school.  I personally cant say that I have ever been interested in that,  but I thought I would look into it for a couple reasons.
1.  My stats are comparable to other matriculates. 
2.  I could start in August of this year
3.  They make pretty decent money.
4. It could be interesting if I could work for like ballet companies or sports teams.

On the other hand.
1. Never really considered it as an option, and a majority of the practice is with diabetes & cardiovascular disease.  If I could get into the sports medicine part, I may consider it but that is not a guarantee.
2.  I would have to be ready to move out of state in 3 months!
3. The first year of classes is with medical school students, I think that would stress me out and I would feel like such a quitter.
4. I have not even applied to medical school yet

Also came across information for a medical school in Australia that does their clerkship (last 2 years) in New Orleans, with good chances of getting US residency matches...

My daughter has a fit anytime I talk about moving us anywhere to go to school,  and my mom threatens to come with me !!!  

I think I walk around in a constant state of haze.  So many unknowns running through my mind. I am on the incline of just one of the hills of this journey.  I think I need to see the crest of this hill soon, before I start to roll back down in the opposite direction.  

I think I am curbing my mind state with food,  I am not pigging out, but I am not eating breakfast or lunch,  just some carb loaded mid dinner, with snacks after... I think I have gained like 10lbs.  I hit the gym like once or twice every 2 weeks, with a mind to change, but then I find myself staring at my shoes the next day thinking... WHY BOTHER...  uggh... I just need clear next steps to focus on, something I can control...

Ok... I have went on and on enough... on to something else..

International Medical School

So a young lady I used to scribe with posted on Facebook she would be starting at Ross University soon.   Ross is one of the big 3 medical schools in the Caribbean.   I had previously thought about this option for years, but always a bit apprehensive about it for a few reasons.

1. There is a lot of conjecture about how hard it is to find quality clinical rotations during 3rd and 4th year and difficulty finding residences after graduation.

2. They are VERY expensive with tuition, living, and food you are going to leave with about 250+ grand in debt.  Where as with some state schools you can stay in the 150 range ( if you are resident of that state).  Also there is a lot of up front expenses.  You have to pay 1500 in deposits, you have to get plane tickets, shots, first & last months rent, shipping crates, books and everything.  And you are not always guaranteed to have your financial aide before all you need to move and start class.

3. And one of the bigger ones for me is Jordyn.  I would have to take her with me, which is a cool experience, but would be hard as a single parent.  Or I would have to leave her here for 18 months with someone (most likely my mom)

4. I have read horror stories about their administration and support. 


I eventually just put it out of my mind and decided if I can get in to school in the US, it just wasn't going to happen for me.   But when this post popped up it got me thinking again.  And I start to think of the a few postives of me going.

1. They start 3 times a year, so I could be in medical school by New Year's.

2. There are thousands of people who were successful at getting through the program and finding residences and jobs.

3. I think I need to be away from a well known area and friends to really do well in medical school.  It requires a lot of time and focus to get all the material down and ingested, and If I have nothing else to do but school I think that would help.


I have no idea what to do, had another week with no word from the MS program, had my last day of work already.  So its just been stressful all around not knowing what direction to turn.

ugh... my life right now

Its been a while

So its been a bit since I jotted down some thoughts...

mainly because I have not been feeling very positive for a bit, I don't really want to document negative thoughts, unless there is some type of lesson in it for me to grow from.  Also not a lot has changed, and I don't want to be redundant.

onto the notes

school... 
  honestly I am a bit over this semester.  Plant science has not gotten any more interesting, and her test only get worse.   The lab is ok, we only have about 2-3 weeks left and I cant wait.  I am ready to not be at school till 9pm twice a week.

I have not registered for any summer classes or anything.

I still have not heard back from the post-bacc program.  They have been sending out acceptances and declines for the past couple of Fridays.  I have not been denied yet, so I guess that is a good thing, but the waiting is stressing me out.

work... 
  I ended up not completing my training for the restaurant.  The few days I was there, I had to ask for help with Jordyn more than I cared to, and I was studying a freaking menu and I had a dang plant science test I needed to study for...   So I gave up... I should have started during the Christmas break  or something... 

My part time job at the tax place ends next week, and I have applied to a few jobs, even a job at my old place.. (more on that later).  But I am a little scared about applying because I don't know if I will get into that program.  If I get in, I cant work or if I do it has to be only a few hours.

I also started a new personal assistant/errand type job where I prep meals, clean up, and run errand for a lady.  So far so good... I thought about trying to get a couple of those to carry me through but I want to spend a few weeks doing this to see how I am at it, and I need to finish with my current daytime job, and tue/thur class to free up more time.

the plan...
  so this is mainly the same for the most part.  
Still getting through class,
still waiting to hear back from the post back

trying to decided if and when, I will take additional steps for the alternative paths... 
like GRE & AP to open me up for MSN or PA.

general thoughts...
  I am little scared, for the past week or 2, I have not wanted to study, and I cant wait for lab to be finished and this semester to be over with. So I think if I feel that way now how can I commit to 4 more years of learning...

I even got to the point to where I applied for a couple of jobs at my old place.

I don't know if I want to give up, or if I feel like I am ultimatly going to fail so I may as well position myself to just go back to doing what I know I can do...

I think financial stress and denying things for myself and my daughter that I didn't have to do before are also adding stress to me... Stressing about things getting cut off, and having to ask for extensions is a place I always worked very hard to stay away from.  

Also being around other professional adults that can do things I cant, and have things I cant hurts a bit, and I don't mean to sound shallow or stupid. Its just when they all want to take the kids to dinner after dance, or eat out at competitions, I hate having to make excuses why J and/or I cant go, and sometimes I do end up going therefore spending money I don't have... And I know I should not try to compete or be like others... etc but that does not make it easier in the moment.  So I find myslef trying to stay away from the other parents as much as possible.

I had dinner over a friends house for the first time a few days ago, and I LOVED her place, it was the perfect house for me and my daughter, and she does well for herself and she is around the same bracket I used to be in...

So I find myself thinking... I didnt hate that place that much... (kind of), yea.. I wanted to be a doctor but maybe that shipped sailed, maybe I was not one, because I wasnt able to work hard enough to be one...

I don't know...   I am not giving up yet... I think once I hear from the post-bacc program I can make more clear decisions...

If i get in --> attend, kick ass, take that DANG MCAT one more time... apply to as many medschools as I can afford in August

If I don't get in --->
option a:  try to get back on at old place, and apply to other places in my old field, get a hobby and make the most of that career

option b:  try to get a job at old place, or similar place,  study for MCAT, retake, and apply in august

option c: try to get in at old place or similar,  study for GRE, take A&P @ community college,  try for PA or MSN program...

ok... gotta get to bed..

Started from the bottoms... Now I'm... Wait.. I'm still at the bottom.

So I had my first full training shift at the resturaunt yesterday.  

It wasn't horrible but Food service was the main reasons I knew I had to go to graduate from college.   

This resource and availablity situation is really tryin me right now.   I am stressed out worrying about bills and getting Jordyn taken care of when I can't do it.  

I have plant science test tomorrow that I can do everything else but study for.   I look over it but then I'm like ugg. 

And we have first competition starting on Thursday during the day.  I'm like WTF!!! Are these people doing scheduling dances that early on a weekday.   

So now I have to miss almost all my classes and then ask another parent to let J hang out with them while I go to lab because I am the only TA there on Thursdays and my grade freaking depends on it.  

I know I chose this.  I know it's my own bed to lay in, but it still sucks sometime. 

I really need to hear back from this program to know if I got in or not.  I have to find something specific to plan around so I won't go crazy.  

If I do get in I have to move into a cheaper place or find a roommate .  I can't afford to work another job and pass those class.  

I keep thinking about getting a place with my mom. She would help me with Jordyn and we can help each other financially but  our situation gets really stressful and I can't add that to school.   

Plus I don't want her to loose her current place if I have to move for med school and then she is left high and dry trying to move back into a smaller place.    

My life is kind of driving me cray cray right now...  And sometimes I just want to throw in the towel.  And I have not eve gotten into medical school yet.    

Ok enough complaining...   Back to work. 

Welcome... what can I get you to drink?

So I got my second job today,  nothing fancy, going to be working as a waitress/server at restaurant.  Not my dream job, but its what came around first and is mostly flexible.  I can work 2 - 3 days and still make ok money.

I have done food service and customer service but never been a waitress.  I am kind of nervous.

Its going to kind of suck, because I will basically not have weekends or holidays anymore, and that is going to be a big challenge with my kiddo, but such is life.

My application to the Post-bacc program is complete, hoping I hear back from them soon.   If I get accepted I may have to reevaluate the server job.   This program is supposed to be Super FREAKING hard requiring loads of time.... But unfortunately the Fin-Aide won't be enough to take care everything...


Anywhoo...  class is going ok, This next Plant Science test is going to be a beast.  Its like 10 chapters of lots of stuff... lol.  Speaking of which. I need to get back to studying...

I am still trying to hang in there.  Its ruff, but if it were easy everyone would be doing it.