Tangled Thoughts

So I wasn't sure what I want to title this.  I am thinking a lot of things right now.


1.  Grades were released
  Microbiology - B
  Cell Physiology - B
  Healthy Psychology - A
  Genomics - A

I have to admit I am a bit disappointed in the B's although those were some pretty challenging course, I think if I would have worked just a bit harder I could have had A's. But nothing can be done now.

2. I am stressed out.
-  still have not found another job,  I have had a couple of interviews, but the word wont be back until after the holidays.  They are also lower paid and small hours.  And the one that pays the most, is only like 19 hours a week.  And unfortunately the hours conflict so I couldn't do both if I was offered them.   -  I am thinking about finding a full time 3rd shift job, since I only have class tue & thur.  Also I would be able to get Jordyn to/from dance and competitions when they start up.  But I know working full time overnight will put a challenge on my ability to make the grades I want to make in my courses, which ultimately defeats the purpose.

- MCAT studying is not going well.  My progress is slow and I am getting intimidated.   I will go over content and fell comfortable, but then take practice problem and its like I don't remember what I just read...  But when I look at answer explanations its obvious...  so frustrating.

3.  Considering giving up...   so for the past few days with the MCAT stress and financial stress.  I think WTF am I doing?   Those are the same reasons I didn't go after it before.  I was intimidated by that test, and I needed money.    And here I am again with the same worries. 

One year after making the big leap and I am already doubting myself.

I think if I could get my financial situation under control I could do what I need to about the test.  I could even push it off until April, and just not worry about applying to that Post-bac program.

In the back of my head I know giving up is not really an option, at least not without trying.  Especially since I am one semester (+ fitting in calculus somewhere)  away from completing the BS. 
This is one of those times I wish I had well off family I could go and live with ( or win the lottery), that way I can just focus on getting the school and test done.  I just need 6 months, and then I can find a full-time day job, for the year that I am waiting to hear back on applications.   Unfortunately those kind of thoughts are useless and unhelpful.

Its Christmas Eve and doesn't really feel like it.  I didn't decorate or even wrap my daughters gifts.  I was able to get mostly everything she asked for so that was nice, but I don't really feel in the spirit.  I am kind of just ready for it to be over and done with, its just one more thing to stress about and the traffic sucks.

Ok...  I am finish complaining.  I really didn't want to write these types of things here, but hopefully I can come back and look at them after I have made it over the hump, and be happy that I kept pushing forward through the doubt.
 
Happy Holidays

Grades are trickling in

So far I have 2 A's for this semester

Genomics & Health Psychology.

I had my Cell Phys final today, she screwed me over on one of my projects given me an 18% even though I met all the qualifications.   She apparently screwed a few people over, because her TA's have sent out multiple emails saying she will not look back over them until after the final.

I really hope that she changes it.  I had 83 before the project, that went down to a 70 after it.

I got an 88 on the final.   If she gives me a better grade there is a small chance I can make an B or A in the class, which would be VERY nice.

I am still waiting to hear back on Micro.  He doesn't post on blackboard so we have to wait for the official School scores to come out, and the grades are not even due for records until after the 20th.

I don't even want to guess what I am going to get in there.  I got an A in the lab, I studied pretty hard for the final, I felt like it may have been a B. So I hope I can get an B in the class.  Hopefully someone really screwed up and we got a decent curve.


I have talked to a few family members and friends and am starting to get the...

How long do you have left in medical school?

You are in medical school right?

Where are you going to medical school?

I really hate those questions,  and not because of the people, I know for the most part its just conversation or interest.

But I feel like such a dumb A$$ when I am like, I'm not in , I apply in May.

which ultimately leads to ... well how long will you be in after that...

and the looks on people's faces when I mention the number of years is a bit stressful.

I have gotten to where I break it up.  I will just be like.

Well I spend 2 years of classroom learning, and then everything else is rotating around the specialties.   I have NO idea why I do that.   I mean it doesn't really matter, they are not the ones going through it.  I am.   But for some reason I feel I have to justify why I am spending the next 8 years of my VERY adult life trying to do this.

Anwhooo...

I got an email today reminding me about my MCAT on 1/23 (as if I could forget).    I am SOOO ready to get this test over with. I start my hardcore study plan tomorrow. 

I was supposed to start today, but since we had an ice storm, my final was pushed back a week, so I just went to the gym after it, and came home.  I got on the PC, but have not studied.

Tomorrow, I will not come home until I have spent a full day in the library.

Focus... Where can i find it?

School -

Its the week before finals week.   I have not been studying as much as I should.  My Genomics final is take home, I spent a few hours on it today, and only got to question #2.  They are really tuff.   

I don't think I will start with that tomorrow, I have too many other things to get done and it takes a lot out of me.   I may just start with regular studying and then try to get a few more questions done.

Hoping I hear from the genomics professor that is going to let me work in his lab next semester, he mentioned I could start early during the off semester so I can learn as much as I can before the semester starts.

Also waiting to hear back on what 1441 labs I will have to TA for.

Right now Tue/Thurs are going to be my full days


Work -

still NOTHING here..  I applied for some more jobs today.   I think I mentioned before I applied for this work from home company that basically contracts out phone based customer service.   I got a few hits for some technical support jobs, but the training last for 1 - 3 months and they are M-F during the day.   And just like every other technical job that pays well and I qualify for I can not work those hours.

Hopefully one of the others will come through,  I may start doing a little tutoring also. I kind of enjoy it, I just have not done it in a while.

"The Plan"

basically still on track.  Still plan on keeping my 1/25 MCAT date.   Plan to go full scale study effort after finals finish.

I think I am going to try and continue to volunteer at the clinic. May even through to do it through the Winter break.


My Rug rat -

She is doing well.  Grades and getting homework turned in on time has been good for the past 3 weeks.  
She has a few performances in the next couple of weeks, looking forward to checking those out.

Life -
nothing here..  stressing over not having a job.   Still working out, trying to do my cardio outside of my training sessions.   Still need to work on eating more often, and making better choices.

I guess that's about it.  Hopefully will have something fun and exciting on my next post... I am starting to feel like a broken record.. ;P